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James Croft

Lovely, as usual!

A therapist, a vibrator, and time sounds like what all the women I have ever worked with at the domestic violence shelter could also use.

We have the therapists. I wonder if we can get a grant for the vibrators.

Tea Roses

Awesome. Therapy and lots of it I'm afraid for this dear sister.


I think your words will help a lot of people.Thank you.Yours truly.Robert


As a straight male who is still getting over the last failed romance attempt, my friends keep telling me that all I have to do is take "my little guy" out for a swim (especially in a pond where I don't care about anything other than how pretty the scenery is)and everything will be OK again and all that emotion and feelings bull will just go away.

First of all, this assumption is just flatly not true. Not every man who says "I love you" is lying, and not every man pursues love purely for their own convenience. Not even most men do that. It sucks that this happened to you; but as they say in the sciences, you can't draw a general conclusion from just one data point.

I am literally dumbfounded by the neurotypical tendency to do this. Can someone explain it to me?


Great advice, Greta. I feel like I should add some commentary about the male side of this, especially since teammarty brought it up.

There's a common meme around guy circles. If you're hung up on an ex, or bitter about women, or in any way NOT in a place where you want a LTR, you should FTOW. (Fuck Ten Other Women.) The idea being that if you just get the wienie wet a few times, you'll realize the ex, or a LTR, or whatever, isn't as wonderful and perfect as you were thinking. It's designed to give you a more confident perspective that you can be happy and get laid without a LTR.

Unfortunately, this is a minefield. It's not that a casual romp in the hay wouldn't be good for a guy's confidence... It usually is. But guys have emotions too, and we get stung by love just like women. And when we're bitter, we don't treat our casual sex partners as equal humans. They're grudge fucks, or band-aids. And sure... there are girls out there who just want a lay, and are ok with that. But most of them are not.

Unfortunately, there is a distinct difference between guys and girls. If a girl takes your advice and gets therapy, a vibrator, and takes some time, she's STILL going to be approached by guys regularly. Her recipe for taking time is: Say No. Rinse, Wash, Repeat.

For a guy, if he is taking time, it means he's not approaching women. Which means he's not getting any positive reinforcement that he's attractive and desirable -- which the woman taking time is still getting, whether she wants it or not.

So there's a catch-22 for men. Stay in a funk and hung up on the ex, or use women to get over the ex. I suppose the best advice for guys is to take some time, but to try to continue making connections with women. Keep flirting, and keep going out to places where you can meet women. Get phone numbers. Steal a kiss or three. Just hold off on the sex for the moment. When the sex feels good again, you'll know. And THEN a casual fling would be a great idea.

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