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« Why Is It So Hard To Lose Weight? | Main | "No Strings Attached": Sexual Convention in Transgression's Clothes »



For me the whole two pieces were common sense nailed.
I read and tried to take my mind back to being a teenager and saw the points better that way.
The whole pressure thing, either from the partner, or peer pressure can make teens go further than they really want and have regrets. Or just a bad experience which puts them off things for years.
The talking about stuff while not having sex is spot on! It can open the mind to thinking about things rather than shutting minds off forever!


I would add a corollary of "don't get into relationships you can't easily get out of without making sure you are and can stay satisfied in them" and a subcorollary of "do not automatically take a partner's word for it about how easy it would be to get out of a relationship." :/


Yeah this advice would have been great when I was a teenager...It also would have been great advice for my boyfriends back then. Oh such sad misconceptions :(

Dan M.

As a refinement of #9, if your partner says no, and you ask why not, at least make some effort to explain why you want the activity. There's a world of difference between "Let's try anal because it makes spooning that much better." and "Can I fuck your ass while secretly have a rape fantasy?"


"As a general rule, people who are younger and/or less sexually experienced often have a harder time saying 'No.' (And alas, that's often more true for young women than young men.)"

I think the genderedness of the difficulty is going to depend on the act being asked for. I think most guys actually have a great deal of difficulty saying no to sexy-times in general, and to vaginal intercourse specifically, because guy's are expected to want that. They lose a lot of masculine cred if they reject such advances, and are far more at risk of being seen as not being attracted to or not wanting their partner. I think partners of males (in the case of het relationships, women) need to be a lot more careful with that than they think.

But for less mainstream/vanilla activities, yes, I think women typically have a harder time saying no.

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