Lydia, 1997-2010

Ingrid and I have some sad news. Our cat, Lydia, died of cancer this morning at the age of 13. She had been getting chemotherapy for the last few weeks, and for a while was doing somewhat better; but on Wednesday night she stopped eating, and her appetite never returned. We took her in to the vet on Friday for tests, and they found that her liver was failing. They changed her medications, but she continued to decline: she was clearly suffering and was not going to get better, and we decided last night to have her euthanized. She died peacefully at home this morning, with us petting her, on the mat in front of the heater.

Ingrid and I are obviously terribly sad about this. As those of you who met her know, Lydia was an incredibly sweet and special cat, and this house is not going to seem at all the same without her. And because I think about religion so much these days, I have, of course, had moments of wondering if a belief in God or an afterlife would have been comforting or helpful at this time. But I honestly have to say, with a strong degree of certainty, that the answer is "No." I don't think either Ingrid or I would be comforted by the idea that we might see Lydia again someday in an afterlife. I think we'd be confused and angry about why God had given her this terrible disease in the first place. (So to any religious believers who might be reading this: Please do not send us your prayers, or tell us that Lydia's looking down on us, or anything like that. Thanks.)

We are, instead, comforted to know that we gave her the best, happiest, most comfortable life we could have given her. We are also comforted to know that we gave Lydia the best care we could during her illness, trying our best to balance our desire to give her some good quality of life with our desire for her to not suffer. And we are comforted to know that we were able to give her a good death, safe and warm and loved and without fear. Finally, we are comforted to know that she was loved, not only by us, but by so many of our friends and family -- including all her fans on the Internet. This life is all we have... and all we can do, for our pets and other people, for ourselves and one another, for strangers and our loved ones, is to make the time that we have, however much time it is, as happy and joyful and meaningful as we possibly can. If you want to know what you can do for us... go be nice to the people and animals you love, and go do something to make the world a better place. (And please be patient with me in the coming days and weeks, as I may not be blogging as often as I normally do, and my mood and temper may not be at their best.) Thanks to all of you for your support during this time.

Comments

[Tracy]

All sympathies from our family to yours.

[Alice]

I'm so sorry. What a wonderful and sweet cat she was - she looks like she truly *knew* how loved she was, and that she was able to fully experience it often during her time with you. Thank you for sharing her with us.

[Jim H]

My sincere condolences for your loss. Please give each other a hug from me.

[Ola]

I'm so sorry for your loss! She had a great life with you.

Maybe it will sound like a terrible thing to say, Greta, and I'm sorry, but I know from my and others' experience of losing beloved pets that this is a good advice: take a kitten. Not immediately, but soon. Because... life goes on, and love must go on, too.

[RebekahD]

What a lucky kitty Lydia was to have had you and Ingrid loving her so much. My thoughts are with you both.

[Renee]

I'm so sorry for your loss. :(

[Duke York]

My condolences! I know how wonderful cats can be!

[Jen]

Her personality definitely shines through in these pictures. Condolences to you and Ingrid

[Paul Crowley]

So sorry for your loss. My Mum and my partner Jess's parents have both just lost a cat; lovely and much-loved cats both. Thinking of you.

[Ingrid]

The loss of a beloved pet is never easy. Much sympathy to you and Ingrid.

[John]

Death is not the end, Death is just moving from one plane of existence to another where you will meet all your beloved ones again. We do have solid evidence for an afterlife: We have experimental data. For example, neurosurgeon Wilder Penfield electrically stimulated the brains of epilepsy patients and found he could cause them to move their arms or legs, turn their heads or eyes, talk, or swallow. Invariably the patient would respond by saying, "I didn't do that. You did." According to Penfield, "the patient thinks of himself as having an existence separate from his body."
A lot of subsequent research has validated this. When Roger Sperry and his team studied the differences between the brain's right and left hemispheres, they discovered the mind has causal power independent of the brain's activities. This led Sperry to conclude materialism was false. We also have rigourous, peer reviewed evidence from Since psychic phenomena such as mediumship, Out of Body Experiences, Near Death Experiences, Remote Viewing, Materialisations, Proxy Sittings, Poltergeists, Electronic Voice Phenomena, Instrumental Transcommunication have been and are producing positive results, then it inevitably follows that the same evidence can be used for supporting the separation of the MIND and the BRAIN.
So don't worry Greta, you will see Lydia again. Life is forever.
Love and Light always,
John

[Plublesnork]

Hi Greta,

I hope you and Ingrid are holding up okay.

You say you've wondered if a belief in God or religion would be helpful at this time, and this immediately made me think of a song by George Hrab which he wrote after he lost his dog, and this is something it focuses on. It's almost guaranteed to make you blub, but I think you'll appreciate knowing it.

The song is called "Small Comfort" and the lyrics are:

I don't believe in heaven
and I know that there's no hell.
I don't think you've gone anywhere
and I guess that's just as well.
'cause I want to remember
the last look in your eye
It was the best and worst thing
to get to say goodbye
to you.

They say we're not supposed to comprehend
but I wanna know more.
Being there with you at the end
was a pain I had hoped for.

Did you know where you were going?
did you like the time you'd spent?
I wished that you'd stayed longer
but that's not how it went.
Now I know there's no forever
but of all the hearts I've met
I think the place we ended up
was as close as one could get.
Did you?

They say we're not supposed to understand
that doesn't help me.
Watching you leave by my own hand
were the cards that were dealt me.
Some would blame the dealer
some would blame the deal
Some would make up stories
that never could be real.
I hope when you left
you were glad to be back home
I think that you knew you would never be alone.

I've no need for heaven
or some eternal bluff
I prefer what's real
and what we had here was enough.

I'm glad I get to miss you
but that you can never miss me.
Thinking you'll wake up and see us
is your eternity.

Small comfort.

I miss you.
I miss you.
I lo... [song deliberately cuts mid-word]

-----
Lydia sounds like a wonderful cat. Thank you for letting us celebrate her life with you.

[Steve Caldwell]

Greta,

Thanks for sharing Lydia's life and death with us. You have our sympathies (human and feline).

Steve, Dakota, and Sassy

[Maria]

I'm so sorry! I know what it feels like.

[Indigo]

(Correction: that was me masquerading as Ingrid up there. Typo of sorts.)

[Greta Christina]

John: Your comment is inappropriate to the point of being grotesque. Especially since you were specifically asked not to make comments like that.

There are times and places to argue with people about their views on the afterlife. A time when someone is in deep, immediate grief is not one of them. I make many arguments against the existence of an afterlife. I do not do so in response to a person saying that someone they love has just died. If you wouldn't tell a Jewish person who's grieving that you're sure their loved one is in the arms of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior, you ought not to tell an atheist and materialist that you're sure they'll see their loved ones again in the afterlife. It is not comforting. It is twisting the knife in the wound. You should be ashamed of yourself. You are hereby banned from this blog.

Everyone else: Thank you so much for your extremely kind and heartfelt words of sympathy. I love this community, and your support means more to both me and Ingrid than either of us can say.

[Nick Franco]

I'm sorry for your loss, Greta and Ingrid. You have my utmost sympathies.

[Rick Bennett]

My deepest condolences for your and Ingrid's loss. We love our Kittehs very much, and we'll miss them keenly when they are gone. When we euthanized our previous cat, I was very proud that we didn't feed the "we'll see her in heaven" lie to our children, then 2 and 5 years old.

[PhoenixRising]

You have my sincerest condolences.

[Evil Paul]

It sounds like Lyddia was a wonderful cat loved by wonderful people. You did right by her both in life and in death. You have my deepest sympathies.

[Flewellyn]

She was obviously a lovely cat. And she still exists, in the slice of space-time she occupied with you.

[Bruce Gorton]

She looks to have lived happily - you did your best by her.

Sorry for your loss.

[Spanky]

I am so sorry for your loss, I feel grief for the three of you remaining. It is great that you were in a position to farewell her in the best way you could. My thoughts are with you.

[Chris Hall]

My deepest sympathies for your loss of Lydia, Greta. I regret that I never met her; she sounds like such a fabulous creature, and even for us atheists, the holiday season is an even crappier time for this to happen.

Much love and sympathy.

[DA]

Condolences, and I'm glad you obviously have so many happy memories with your cat.

[Eva]

I'm so sorry for you loss. She seems to have been a wonderful cat.

Kristin and I just lost our cat in November after having him around for 14,5 years, and we really miss him. Our best comfort is knowing that he had a good life with us and that we were strong enough to make the decision that was best for him when the time came, and I'm glad you seemed to have the same strenght.

[Suzy Wernet]

Warm, kind hugs to you all from me. We are all equal creatures in my eyes and heart. I so enjoyed your photos and now feel like I knew Lydia and her family and am better for it. Thanks so much for sharing her with us.Hugs again. ♥

[Ophelia Benson]

Ohhh, so sorry. I'm choking up here so will leave it at that.

[vel]

My condolences. and this "best, happiest, most comfortable life" is the best we can do for any of our fellow creatures.

[jane]

sympathies to all. I have six kitties now and still remember fondly so many others who have shared my life.
Unfortunately it's not suprising that one more selfish theistic ass who simply *must* lie to keep his faith alive. Well, it does keep me from weeping by the anger it stirs up.

[Timmer D]

Greta, I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I had to put my ailing cat down many years ago, but I was never sure that I made the right decision.

"Remind thyself that [s]he whom thou lovest is mortal—that what thou lovest is not thine own; it is given thee for the present, not irrevocably nor for ever, but even as a fig or a bunch of grapes at the appointed season of the year...." --THE GOLDEN SAYINGS OF EPICTETUS

[considerthe teacosy]

My deepest condolences on your loss. She sounds like having been a wonderful cat, and was lucky to have humans who cared for her and loved her so well.

[Ani Sharmin]

So sorry for your loss, Greta and Ingrid. I hope you find comfort in your fond memories of Lydia.

[Nora]

Lydia seems to have been a very special kitty and she was as lucky to have you as you were to have her. I hope it isn't too long before your feelings catch up to what you already know intellectually: the sum of all the small joys she brought you far outweighs the big sadness at the end. I feel for your loss.

[Robyn Slinger]

Aaaw :'-(
All best wishes of sympathy to you, Greta and Ingrid.

{{{hugs}}}

[Stellar Ash]

Our family's deepest sympathy and condolences. We too lost a sweet calico to cancer a couple of years ago.

May you remember her fondly.

[Steve Bowen]

I'm so sorry. The loss of any sentient companion is tragic and we've all been there.
As you know Lydia will have no worries hereafter and you and Ingrid have been her best friends while it counted.

[Nurse Ingrid]

Thanks everyone (well, almost everyone) for your kind words and good thoughts. It's amazing how much it helps at times like these. Greta and I appreciate it very much.

[Mike]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Penny]

Thank you so much for sharing so much of her life with us and for sharing the news of her death with us as well.

It is odd to grieve over a cat I never knew, but there's a community aspect to the whole thing.

Virtual hugs to you and Ingrid.

[Ebonmuse]

I'm so sorry, Greta. As someone who's lost a beloved pet more than once, I feel for what you're going through. If it eases the pain in any way, be reminded that Lydia enjoyed all the love and good care a cat can possibly experience in her life with you and Ingrid, and you did the right thing in sparing her from further suffering. We all have to go through this pain sometime, but compared to all the happiness our companions give us, it's a small price to pay.

[Lynn Wilhelm]

So sorry for your loss.

I still miss my pets. My last one died about 4 years ago. Mine were all the very best companions and I'm sure Lydia was the same for you.

We are truly lucky that we can choose to help our friends die when they can still feel our love and we can minimize their suffering. You made the right decision.

[Judy]

My deepest sympathy to you and Ingrid and everyone else missing Lydia. She was obviously very special. You and she were lucky to have each other.

We went through a similar experience when our cat was euthanized on November 9 at age 18. We adopted her when she was 3. The pain of the loss recedes but never goes away. The chronic kidney disease she had had for years finally won. We are glad we could be with her at the end and were able to give her a quick, painless end to her suffering, just as you did with Lydia.

To be honest, I wish our beloved pets were waiting for us at the Rainbow Bridge, but wishful thinking doesn't change reality. They live in the effects they've had on our lives and the good they brought into the world.

[Chip Ritter]

Many condolences from me. Hayley, and Charlie-- to whom Lydia extended quite a courtesy by not mauling as he took a few loving but not entirely appropriate swipes at her when he was last there. I remember an afternoon or evening where Lydia ended up on my lap for a fairly long time, probably only happened the once, but it was a profound session of purring and petting, and it felt exactly nice and somehow special. She was a unique animal, a great presence, and I can only imagine how you feel, having been around for lots more of that. Much love.

[Paul]

Death is only a temporary tragedy, Death is not the end. Death is simply the shedding of the physical body. There is no such thing as Death, Life and Love is all there is. Consciousness is eternal and one with the Loving force that some people call God. Consciousness is not a product of the brain. Consciousness is Eternal. Death is just the end of one journey, you will continue growing and loving in the Spirit worlds. I am sure you will see your cat Lydia again. She came into your life for a purpose. All of you had an agreement before coming into this world.
Don't worry. Lydia will be having a party in Heaven now.

[Paul]

We need not be fearful of Death and Dying. We can never really loose loved ones because love is all there is. Our Souls are eternal and one with God. Life on Earth is a short journey where we can learn and grow together. At death we will cross over and meet all our loved ones again.
Life is forever, death is just a horizon.

[Greta Christina]

Paul: Did you not read the part of this post, where I specifically said, quote, "So to any religious believers who might be reading this: Please do not send us your prayers, or tell us that Lydia's looking down on us, or anything like that. Thanks."?

Failing that: Did you not read my response to the previous commenter who used this expression of intense grief and sorrow as an opportunity to proselytize for his religious beliefs?

Apparently not. So I'll repeat what I said to him, as it applies equally well to you. I said, quote:

Your comment is inappropriate to the point of being grotesque. Especially since you were specifically asked not to make comments like that.

There are times and places to argue with people about their views on the afterlife. A time when someone is in deep, immediate grief is not one of them. I make many arguments against the existence of an afterlife. I do not do so in response to a person saying that someone they love has just died. If you wouldn't tell a Jewish person who's grieving that you're sure their loved one is in the arms of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior, you ought not to tell an atheist and materialist that you're sure they'll see their loved ones again in the afterlife. It is not comforting. It is twisting the knife in the wound. You should be ashamed of yourself. You are hereby banned from this blog.

And again, to everyone else here who has responded with actual empathy and support: Thank you. Your kindness is doing a great deal to make the grief more bearable. This has been and continues to be a grievously difficult time, but being part of this community is deeply comforting, and means more to both me and Ingrid than we can say.

[Maria]

For goodness sake... what is wrong with some people?!?

[Greta Christina]

For goodness sake... what is wrong with some people?!?

Apparently, reading for comprehension is not being effectively taught in our school system. Either that, or we have a serious epidemic of Self-Involved Douchebagitis (Pompous Windbag Strain).

[Maria]

As with many commenters over at Alternet, I think they actually don't read what people have written. They see a chance to jump in with their preaching and don't care the least about what the people they direct it to might think about it, or if they might offend or hurt someone.

Getting the message out is more important than showing a minimum of respect by making sure first that it is proper or would be welcomed, it seems.

It's no better than spam. Spammers and spambots don't read either, they just look for "suitable" keywords, and then they throw their message in whereever they spot them.

I hope you two will not have to deal with this again now! I know how hard it is. I had to put my 18 year old cat down last year, and it was very hard. I still can't look at pictures of her withot tearing up. My other cat is almost 20 now and I know I will soon have to face this again. Idiotic fantasies like the ones of John and Paul is no help whatsoever!