Very Big Atheist Conference of 2011 -- Schedule Finalized!

The schedule for the Very Big Atheist Conference of 2011 has been finalized! There are some very exciting sessions planned, and some of your favorite atheist bloggers, writers, and activists will be there -- so be sure to get your tickets early!

FRIDAY, APRIL 1

1:00 PM
Why Are Atheists Bothering to Have a Conference to Talk About What They Don't Believe In?
Concerned Ecumenicalist Interfaith Council
(attendance optional)

2:15 PM
Maintaining a Rep as a Good-Natured Teddy Bear While Delivering Lethal Smackdowns to Theists
Hemant Mehta, "Friendly" Atheist

3:30 PM
How to Get the Narwhal Song Unstuck From Your Head When PZ Mentions It For the Twentieth Time
Pharyngulite Hordes

6:00 PM
Reception
Cheese and "Crackers"
Sponsored by PZ Myers

SATURDAY, APRIL 2

9:00 AM
Massages and Muffin Baskets: How Can We Be Nicer to Believers?
Matt Nisbet and Chris Mooney

10:15 AM
Why Am I One of Only Two African-Americans Speaking at This Conference?
Sikivu Hutchinson

11:30 AM
Yeah, What She Said
Wrath James White

1:00 PM
Lunch
Shish Kebab
Sponsored by Original Narwhal Kebabs

3:00 PM
A Kinder, Gentler Godlessness: Etiquette and Comportment for Atheist Ladies
Amanda Marcotte and Ophelia Benson
(BYO knitting needles)

4:15 PM
I Don't Believe God's On a Boat, I Don't Believe That God's a Goat
Digital Cuttlefish

5:30 PM
How To Irrelevantly Work References to Your Personal Sex Life Into Your Atheist Blogging
Greta Christina

7 PM
Dinner
Roasted Babies in Kitten Sauce, with Christian Martyr Flambe
Co-Sponsored by Freedom From Religion Foundation and Hemant "No Really, I'm a Nice Guy" Mehta

8 PM
Plenary Session
Narwhals: How Do They Cause a Commotion Simply by Being So Awesome -- and What Can the Atheist Movement Learn From This?
Daniel Dennett

10 PM - 2 AM
"Networking"
Cocktail Lounge, and assorted private rooms throughout hotel (specific locations TBA)

SUNDAY, APRIL 3

7:00 AM
Prayer Breakfast

9:00 AM
Flying Spaghetti Monster or Invisible Pink Unicorn: Which is the One True Faith?
(holy war to follow)

10:15 AM
Why Ayn Rand is the Answer to Every... Hey, Don't Roll Your Eyes! This Is Important!
Libertarian Atheist Thread Derailers, Local 242

11:30 AM
Narwhals, Narwhals, Swimming in the Ocean -- Damn You, PZ!
Enraged Pharyngulite Hordes
(torches and pitchforks provided)

*****

UPDATE: A number of people have asked about the location of the VBAC. It has just been announced: Darwin City, Australia.

Comments

[llewelly]

Why Ayn Rand is the Answer to Every... Hey, Don't Roll Your Eyes! This Is Important! Libertarian Atheist Thread Derailers, Local

First, Ayn Rand despised Libertarians, because they are too stupid to become Objectivists. Second, there is NO WAY that lecture will be over by 11:30. The final Narwhals, Narwhals, Swimming in the Ocean event needs to be rescheduled for the next day, or maybe even the next week, in order to allow plenty of time for the Ayn Rand event.

[J. J. Ramsey]

"Maintaining a Rep as a Good-Natured Teddy Bear While Delivering Lethal Smackdowns to Theists"

It's a pity that's only an April Fools' joke, because that would probably be a great lecture.

[Timothy (TRiG)]

What?! No celaphapods?

Brilliant stuff, Greta.

TRiG.

[Coffeeandsci.wordpress.com]

Excellent,
I'll be there and I'll bring some cephalopod's for Timothy also. Octopuses Timothy?

Copenhagen comes as a training session I suspect ;-)

[Hank Fox]

The Cheese and Crackers event with PZ Myers, I'm happy to announce, will feature consecrated hosts in new crowd-pleasing flavors, Cool Ranch and Nacho Cheese.

(Because of allergy problems at our last event, this year the Kitten Dip will not be made with real kittens.)

[Scott]

Nice, although it's missing "Atheists, Agnostics or Humanists: What's in a label?".

Thanks for the fun.

[shonny]

And when is the session "How for an Atheist to Talk to a Believer without Sounding Aggressive?"

I really need to attend that one, according to a local priest, as pointing out the flaws in his arguments about how jeesoos resurrected always is aggressive.

Always the negative waves, Moriarty!

[jimvj]

Is it just me or ... link to VBAC registration page?

[bostonlegal2112]

where is this conference supposed to be?

[SaintStephen]

No real kittens in the kitten dip?

Pass.

[TheCelticChimp]

Objectivism:

The doctrine by which smug, self-righteous, rich morons justify being smug, self-righteous, rich morons.

[Ophelia Benson]

I simply can't wait. Just think, a year from today all the tragic mockery and combativeness and energy and fury will have disappeared from the atheist movement, and harmony will reign everywhere. We will all be able to unite with our believing fellow Murkans for the purpose of...whatever.

[Nosmo King]

I am disgusted that, once again, the all- toddler workshop that I moderate "There Ain't no Santa Claus: Building the Next Generation of Atheists" has been left off the schedule! It's true-- you atheists are meaner than snakes. I'll be in the corner with my altar to Mithras, if anybody cares.

[Evil Paul]

(holy war to follow)

I don't know why, but BRAHAHAHAHA!!! (take wheezing breath) WAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

[cag]

Looking forward to a dissertation from that great atheist orator April Sillyperson.

[Maria]

And now I'm actually sad that it's April 1st :-( :-)

[Die Anyway]

That was fun but....
I had actually gone two whole days without thinking about narwhals and now... "Oh the Narwhal Song. It burns."

[Grundgetta Grouch]

If you people think you're getting kittens from Atheist Ailurophiles, you've got another thing coming. Also, we plan to boycott the event if you DON'T use faux-kittens in the kitten sauce.

Plus, we want to commend the dipmakers for using faux-kittens. Wasn't it Brother Richard himself who said "Blessed are the dipmakers, for they will be called the children of Darwin."?

[Kel]

I can't wait for the Nisbet and Mooney talk.

Also, you're working the Pharyngulite hordes pretty hard. Especially by putting them on after the Objectivists / Libertarians. That's not going to down well with the Pharyngulites...

[Paul]

I was past the part with Cuttlefish before I remembered it was April 1! Now I'm sad. You should feel horrible.

[Elaine]

Sigh. I *wish*.....

[Sharmin]

This is great. It made me happy. If only these talks actually happened.

['Tis Himself, OM]

The Narwhals Song is the Official Atheist Theme Song™.

[Graham Giblin]

You can prepare for your trip to the VBAC 2011 with Darwin and Northern Terrortory background information here. They don't have narwhals but they do have crocodiles and sharks and "stingers" any of which can kill you. Let's go for a swim and pray to god that he protects us!

[cathy]

Is it just me or does the invisible pink unicorn look an awful lot like a narwhal...then again, they are the unicorns of the sea...

[FSM devotee]

I had a VBAC with my 4th kid after two cesareans, including twins. This here VBAC sounds like A LOT MORE FUN. I wish it were real!

[Brent Rasmussen]

The "Prayer Breakfast" event with no accompanying explanation made me laugh out loud. Thanks, Greta! :)

[Entequilaesverdad.blogspot.com]

I think this "joke" should become reality. I actually want to attend this conference!

[Ebonmuse]

I would totally go to this. I'd even give a talk, if there was an open conference room somewhere. How about "How to Make Friends with Republican Senators"? I can say modestly that it's a talent of mine!

[Ghouldilocks]

Can this be real? Please? lol :)

[Wilderthanyou]

@ TCC - Your definition of "Objectivism" is 100% Win.

[the chaplain]

Well done - great April Fool's post! Still, it really does look like it would be a great conference.

[Nan]

Brilliant. Another one of those glad I wasn't drinking coffee while reading moments, especially when I saw the cheese and crackers entry.

[Oldcola]

OK, that interesting, have to do what it takes to make it happen, just like you imagined it.
I would love to see Dennett explain how Narwhals are awesome :-P

[Igor]

First of April is the real Eastern.Light a candel now! Any other date is a fake!

Next year I will give a lecture on the worst joke ever, the 2000 years old one.