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Blake Stacey

"So today, I want to take off the Cranky Pants, and put on the Incurable Optimist hat, and remind us all of how very far our sexual world has come in a remarkably short time."

There you go, blogging without pants again. Sheesh.


In America today, sex is still intended for the enjoyment of males and not for enhancing the physical experience of females, or else the topic of birth control wouldn't drive reactionary males to insane rage. And where are the female-oriented sex potency drug ads to balance male potency drug ads for Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra? They don't exist! Male drugs are going to be covered by the abomination of the health care "reform" bill coming out of the Senate, but don't you even raise the prospect of birth control being covered by your insurance! Erections are God's Will, not avoiding pregnancy if an erection is accommodated!

Frankly, I think part of this disparity is due to women themselves. Look at all the calumny being loaded upon all of Tiger Woods' women friends. Some knew he was married, some not; some were professional sex workers while most were amateurs. Yet they are damned about as much, if not more, by women for being available to Tiger as he is being damned by them for straying. It is as if sex isn't supposed to be anything other than the dues a woman pays for the economic and social security being married. To do anything outside of attracting and keeping a mate, sex is the biggest taboo that a woman can perform! And our children are being affected by this attitude. A commenter on another blog mentioned that her own daughter was of the opinion that sex was bad and should never be done - and this at an age where getting her Barbie married to Ken is supposed to be a favorite play topic!

To circle back for a conclusion, if women truly wanted sexual equality, then the items I listed above would attract much more protest from the distaff side of our society than they now do. I can only suggest that there is some perceived benefit for them to remain quiet about the inequality.

@ ToppHogg - I guess it depends from where you look. I'm 46. Most of the people I'm *close to* are almost as open about sex as I am. Most of the people I *know* are NOT, but neither are they hung up like my first husband (who got mad at me for "always thinking about sex." Yeah, he had issues; it was 20 years ago but his mind was 50 years older when it came to sex). The "ho-calling" has been driving me nuts, too, but I don't expect mainstream media to be enlightened or enlightening. In conversation, I do protest the hypocritical slut/stud jokes or when someone ignorantly and casually demeans or devalues sex work/ers.

People do protest over the inequalities - looking for those people is how I found Greta Christina, Susie Bright, Violet Blue, et al., all of whom are actively walking the talk (or should I saw walking the write? Writing what they walk? Sorry I'm NOT a writer, just a fan thereof!). I mean to say, their openness about their lives and work ARE the demonstration, their activism and protest against inequality. That's how I see it anyways.

(apologies if this double-posts, got a "can't post" msg & did a do-over)

Mike Patchen

@ToppHogg I agree with a lot of what you are saying but I think you are wrong about why there aren't female versions of viagra. It's not because they aren't trying or don't care, it's that they haven't been able to develop it yet. If there truly was an effective drug that made women horny, there wouldn't just be ads about it, there would be legislation to put it in our drinking water.
I want to take off the Cranky Pants, and put on the Incurable Optimist hat

Metaphor love.

Blake Stacey

Funnily enough, Viagra (sildenafil) is actually prescribed to women, too; it's been shown to alleviate sexual dysfunction due to antidepressants, for example.


And of course, in more conservative circles, it hasn't improved much over the last 20 years. Growing up fundie, a woman enjoying sex was pretty much unheard of. And masturbation? Only if you wanted to go to hell! Yay for mainstream culture! The other side is simply miserable.

Elizabeth Black

@ToppHogg, while there aren't any viable drugs for women that are akin to Viagra (Although researchers are working towards making them, I don't think they've been invented yet), I have seen commercials airing prime time for sensitivity creams and gels aimed at increasing a woman's sexual pleasure. Those creams and gels are not about sex as a stale, procreative act. I see those commercials as a huge step forward in recognizing and encouraging women's sexual enjoyment and orgasms - for themselves, not to please a man.


@ Elizabeth Black

I note your input, but I don't put topical things (which I happen to enjoy on occasion) in the same category as things like Viagra. That drug was created to enhance male performance (however poorly and dangerously). The fact that it works on some females was an accidental discovery (@ Blake Stacey).

Based on how political conservatives continue to twist things so that they get their way, I doubt that any real research will be allowed to develop female sexual enhancement drugs, nor do I expect that any foreign imports will be allowed for the same reason.

I don't usually advocate allowing the market to decide, but in this case I do. I don't hear much from women of the same age group as the Viagra men asking for "a better sexual experience". Frankly, I'm curious as to why not. Anyone have any ideas?


Actually, viagra was a bit of an accident. As I recall, folks had just discovered the vasodilating effect of nitric oxides and were trying to improve circulation through clogged coronary (heart) arteries. The effect on erectile tissue was quite serendipitous.

Of course, as soon as the marketing department heard about it, they knew they had a best-seller and pushed it.

The point is, it was not the result of a deliberate search for that effect. It really isn't evidence for the amount of funding for sex-enhancing drug research.

(There was, of course, an explosion in research after viagra showed the way, of which cialis is one result.)

Katie Dawdy

We don't need a woman's version of viagra or creams, etc, that are supposed to "cure" our "sexual dysfunction"...

I'm going to have to take a page from the great master Betty Dodson on this one. ;)

Most women experience a very hetero, formulaic, boring, narrow version of sex that's often devoid of foreplay (I actually dislike the word foreplay, as the word "fore" implies that it's an appetizer, not a legitimate expression of sexuality). The sex is limited to only a few positions, and lasts about 5 minutes. There may be little or no clitoral stimulation. It doesn't please us. We don't orgasm- we don't come close to orgasming. And for this, we're told that we suffer from sexual dysfunction. Instead, we need to experience greater variety in sex with plenty of mental and physical play, with a wider definition of what sex is instead of "you put the penis in the vagina". We don't have sexual dysfunctions. Unless we have a medical problem, we don't need drugs- we need more naughtiness, play, and sensuality in sex.

Katie Dawdy

Oh, and we need to learn more about what healthy sexuality is. Experiment, read books and sex columnists, break down your faulty programming, watch healthy pornography. Greta has a good section in Ticky Tacky, or Why Most Mainstream Het Porn Bores the Pants On Me.



Your work has inspired me to follow in your footsteps. I too, wish to etch out a living as a writer and a pro-sex activist. My goal is the sexual liberation of women. I also want to be a therapist.

The double standard has been the bane of my existence. But there's hope that writing and activism works and can and will bring an end to this, this being harassment and bullying of slutty women.

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