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Sebastian Conolly

Hrm. I agree that particular technical skills aren't that important, because they can always be learned, but I do think that "good in bed" means more than "good at communicating and paying attention".

Personally, I think the most important factor in whether I'm going enjoy having sex with someone again and again is how enthusiastic they are. Just about everything else can be learned, but if they're just not interested you're beating a dead horse.


Thank you, Greta, for expressing with more authority what I had already in my mind. I always felt that this "being good in bed" (as a single person) was an expression that was rather full of hot air and not much substance.

The aspects of stamina, endowment and looks are probably pretty relevant in a sexual experience, but surely it ultimately takes a good deal of intimate teamwork to have intercourse?

How can someone say a priori that they are good at providing sexual experiences without knowing the partner and their preferences involved? If anything, it's, as you say, "good at communicating and paying attention" and also, I think, the ability to adapt.

Even the hottest, most "staminous" stud or the most gorgeous, tightest model (I'm not particular) are going to be rubbish if they insist on doing the things how they personally like it without regard to what the other person enjoys. Both partners are going to end up disappointed and probably blaming each other for "not being good enough in bed", which doesn't really make much sense, does it?

It's all about teamwork, and that takes either a good, lucky chemistry or the ability to communicate (verbally or not) and, of course, adapt consequently.


I absolutely agree with everything you said - I am especially inclined to really get off when my partner is is obviously being rocked. Without her (or on very rare occasions, his) really getting excited, muscles pulsating and constricting around my junk - back arching when my tongue finally goes from touching random places (with her blindfolded and not knowing where it will be next) to the merest tickle of her clit - fuck it, I'll have more fun with some raunchy porn and my hands.

Too many people seem to think that the end all to sex is the cum. Fuck that - if it's just down to the orgasm itself, I prefer the freedom and experience of my hands and sometimes toys. Sex is about that sweat-slick, totally aroused body against you. It's about feeling their body react, as you do everything in your power (including fucking listening and not taking it as "OMG, There Must Be Something Wrong With Me!!11!!!!") to make this encounter, the very best sexual encounter the person you're with has ever had - even if you're the only person they've had sex with for years - or ever. And it's about them doing the same fucking thing to you.

Seriously, if that's not the sex I'm having, I prefer to sex myself.

But I have to say that my biggest issue with "good in bed" is that it implies that's it. What about "good in the kitchen," or "good on the back deck, where the neighbors might catch us," or "good on her desk at work," or "good in the university library." There are just too many great places that can make sex even more exciting, to fucking limit it to "good in fucking bed."

Mr Grumpy

I totally agree with you, especially when a guy says "I am good in bed" and "I know how to show her a good time".

Most of the time they are thinking of themselves, a power they will have over a person whom they really do not know. To them, it seems to me, that as long as they can have some stamina and keep going until they get off it is being good in bed. I do not think there is any communication at all except for their partner to make sure he man is satisfied. If that happens then they consider themselves good in bed without regard to whether their partner is.


I couldn't agree more. I would say my current partner is fantastic in bed with me - and what he has is a basic understanding of anatomy, perceptiveness to how what he does makes me feel, willingness to communicate his needs, and ask for and listen to mine. He's not amazing to be with because he's had tons of partners and has sex down, he's amazing because he's willing to explore and listen and do what it takes to make it amazing for both of us (and I hope that I am doing the same for him).

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