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This is great. I have often felt this way when dating in the San Francisco lesbian scene. It seemed like I suddenly had to define myself as being in a relationship because I had been on a few dates with someone. Plus there is the assumption that everyone who is single wants to be in a romantic relationship, and if they don't they have some "issue".


This was a great post. Relationships fail and falter all too often because of this perceived "timetable".


I ran into my own default assumptions a few years back over the issue of kids. I had always "known" that I wanted kids, but found that I kept putting it off for some reason. After much soul-searching and agonizing, I allowed myself to voice the words "I don't want to have kids" and suddenly felt a huge rush of relief. That assumption had just been there from the start, as a default, and it took a conscious decision and a lot of work to unseat it.

It's many years later now, and I'm still really relieved about my decision. I love kids, we have a lot of kids in our social circle, and I get all cooey around babies, but I'm very, very happy that I was able to jump the rails on this particular issue.


I applaud this post - I think it was exactly what I needed to read right now.

I would also add that this includes sometimes making personal choices that others in the quote-unquote liberal or sex-positive community might be somewhat baffled by, such as waiting longer to have sex or abstaining from it altogether, or marrying/having children at a younger age than expected.

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