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Dear Christina,

I've been through all of this, my advice is to kick your partner no matter what, because that's just what's going to happen anyway, only the other way round.

The reason? Your partner who leaves you starving for sex is an asshole.

Your fan

David D.G.

Sorry, Greta, but I really do have to respond immediately to this question you posited:

Is ending a relationship whose end would cause upheaval and unhappiness to you and your partner and lots of other people really a better, more honorable choice than a discreet affair?

The only correct answer: HECK, YES!

You seriously suggest that cheating (look up the meaning of the word) is somehow more honorable (WTF?) than honestly walking away from an unsatisfactory relationship? That is so bizarrely nonsensical that I would have expected it to have been spun by a caught-out "family values" Republican. For such a notion to be seriously promoted by you, of all people, is extremely dismaying and disappointing. You usually follow a wonderful course on ethics, Greta, but in this case you are off by 180 degrees.

~David D.G.


Yeah, I'm still not convinced, and I appreciate you're clarification, and what you're trying to explore. I really do. I think the example you chose here though, rather than illustrating your point, actually does a good job of undermining it. A couple who have a long relationships with children or a business or some other entanglement, who ALSO have one partner who refuses to have sex, and who ALSO have the other partner who does not genuinely want to leave this person, and who ALSO cannot come to an agreement on some sort of open relationship. I think it's probably fairly safe to say that this couple has never existed and never will. If the premise is that two people, neither of whom is able or willing to compromise on any of terms of their relationship in any way, might end up in a situation where the one feels compelled to cheat, then in that case, the moral failure is their refusal to compromise. The couple that you're describing sounds selfish and unyielding to the point of being bizarre. They might consider themselves happier in this situation, but it is not what one would call a functional relationship. It sounds like a relationship based (in this hypothetical) on not hurting anyone's feelings, or an unwillingness to risk anything that might be emotionally uncomfortable. Not making someone feel bad is not the only metric for determining whether or not a decision is the right one. In fact, I'd say it's a terrible way to make choices.


Scratch my comment part 1, if one partner being OK with cheating defines the relationship as 'open.' Mind you, my mom never knew about that, so this is a lot like y'all saying 'swingers is subsection of polyamory.' It's a subsection 100x bigger than the one that gets your newsletter amirite?


It is NEVER ok. I am disgusted with the trend that seems as though cheating has become almost acceptable. There are even sites out there that give advice on how to have an affair and not get caught! That is outrageous!

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