Atheism in Pop Culture: "Old Time Religion"

This one should be fun. In fact, I think we can make it into a contest.

It's the pagany folk nerd song parody of "Old Time Religion."

(You know. "Give me that old time religion/ Give me that old time religion/ Give me that old time religion/ It's good enough for me.")

I've loved this ever since I first heard it. Apart from just being silly and fun with many ridiculous rhymes, it's a neat reminder that Christianity really isn't "that old time religion" -- many religions are much, much older. And it has a nice, gentle, "making fun of everyone equally" quality that I'm very fond of.

Technically, I suppose it's not atheist. It's more "pagan/ disrespectful of organized religion." And technically I suppose it's not pop culture, either, unless you consider folk nerd song parodies to be pop culture. But I don't care. The subject of Druids came up at work the other day, and this verse popped into my head, and I decided I had to share with the rest of the class:

Let us worship like the Druids
Running naked through the woo-ids
Drinking strange fermented fluids
And that's good enough for me.

(Give me that old time religion, etc.)

There are about eight hundred thousand verses floating around in the folk nerd world and on the 'Net, but not all of them are gems. Here are a few that I'm particularly fond of:

Let us worship Aphrodite
In her silky see-through nightie
Though she's mean and somewhat flighty
She's good enough for me.

Let us sacrifice to Isis
She will help us in a crisis
And she hasn't raised her prices
And that's good enough for me.

Let us all bow down to Buddha
There's no other God who's cuter
Comes in copper, brass, and pewter
And that's good enough for me.

Let us travel to Valhalla
In Volkswagens, not Impalas
Singing "Deutschland Uber Alles"
And that's good enough for me.

Let us sacrifice to Kali
Let us worship her, by golly
To ignore her would be folly
And that's good enough for me.

Let us worship Zarathustra
Let us worship like we used to
I'm a Zarathustra booster
And that's good enough for me.

This next has always been my favorite:

Let us sacrifice to Loki
He's the old Norse god of chaos
Which is why this verse doesn't rhyme, or scan
And that's good enough for me.

And to show that it's an equal opportunity song parody, there are at least two verses on Christianity:

Let us all bow down to Mary
For she hasn't lost her cherry
And she cures the beri-beri
And that's good enough for me.

Let us worship like the Quakers
(silence)
(silence)
And that's good enough for me.

I wrote the next two myself:

Let us now form up a caucus
So that we may worship Bacchus
For his followers are raucous
And that's good enough for me.

(Alternate last line: "For his followers will fock us...")

Let us sacrifice to Hades
Looking spiffy in his shade-es
He's a devil with the ladies
And that's good enough for me.

My good friend Rebecca wrote this one:

There's a graven image of Ba'al
That I bought for my front ha'al
At the graven image ma'al
And that's good enough for me.

And my good friend Nosmo King wrote this verse, totally on the fly the first time he heard the song, earning the eternal admiration of all the drunken folk nerds at that particular party:

Let us walk the path of Tao
Though it hasn't got much wow
But it's in the here and now
And that's good enough for me.

So now it's your turn! At parties we keep singing the same ones again and again, and we need new ones. Plus we desperately need some from the atheist pantheon of made-up religions, and I'm having a hard time rhyming "flying spaghetti monster" and "invisible pink unicorn." (I'm about halfway there on Russell's Teapot -- something about "It's impossible to see, but" -- but so far I'm failing to come up with a last line.)

So chime in with your verses! The winner -- picked entirely by me at my own whim -- will get a free copy of any of my three books that they want: Paying For It, Three Kinds of Asking For It, or Best Erotic Comics 2008. Entries must be made in the comments by August 31. Have fun, y'all!

(Druid photo by La Repubblica.)

Comments

[Berlzebub]

Let's all worship sex
In generations it creates the next
Enjoying it has the fundies vexed
And that's good enough for me!

[Nes]

I've never been much of a poet, nor am I familiar with the song, but I'll give this a try anyway. I'm going to cheat a little and use Greta's line...

Have you heard of Russel's Teapot?
It's impossible to see, but
I have faith that it's in orbit
That's good enough for me

Hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster
But you had better listen mister
Don't try to cover him with muenster
That's not okay with me!

[Nes]

How could I forget the IPU?

The Invisible Pink Unicorn
Blessed be her holy alicorn
Under her gaze, none will be forlorn
That's good enough for me

[Cryptic Philosopher a/k/a Dave]

We give thanks to mighty Ceres,
with her shredded wheat and Cheeri-
o's that make our bowels so clear. You
know that's good enough for me.

Hope you don't mind if I cross-post a little.

[Charlotte]

A humble tribute to the joint goddess of the springs here in Bath, UK. I'm still trying to think of rhymes for Sulis.

Let us worship Minerva
Study with religious fervour
Then go kill those who don't serve her -
Hell, that's wise enough for me!

[Thinker]

From Scandinavia, a little Norse mythology:

Let the Christians go a-wailing
To Valhalla we’ll go sailing
Every evening we’ll be ale-ing
Yea, that’s good enough for me!

Every day we’ll play at war
Then with Wodan, Frey and Thor
Eat the resurrected boar
Hey, that’s good enough for me!

Heaven's harps are far too quiet!
Fighting giants? That's a riot!
Meat and ale's a balanced diet
now, that's good enough for me!

[Metro]

Let's all follow the FSM
At his motives who can guess 'em?
Beer and strippers, he will bless 'em
And that's good enough for me

Pantheism's not at odds
With the old established gods
Its made up of odds and sods
And that's good enough for me

No religion has a corner
Now let's worship Brothers Warner
Though their Sister's kinda orner-y
They're good enough for me

[Procrustes]

Let us worship reason
Each and every season
Live lives of joy and pleasin'
It's good enough for me.

[Phrogge]

In the dark and at his leisure,
The Great Green Arkleseizure
Is a universal sneezer—
That's snot good enough for me!

[DSimon]

Let's all follow Cthulu
His siren song calls me and you-oo
He'll make us watch Friends on Hulu
And that's good enough for *AAAAAAARGH THE HORRIBLE IMAGES ARE MAKING MY BRAINS LEAK OUT MY NOSE AAAAAARGH!*

[DSimon]

(If you actually like Friends, feel free to substitute "Glenn Beck" for it above. In fact, I kind of wish I had used that in the original line.)

[babzc]

oh that ole god quetzalcoatl found a virgin he could throttle , stuffed her heart down ina bottle and that's good enough fer me,,, (i cant believe i knew a verse no one else had touched on lol )

[Michael price]

Now the great god Thor is
Promising a bunch of houris
Only if we die in war-IRS

And that's good enough for me

Let's get things more animated with "The melancholy of Haruhi Suzamia"

Well the summer is so screwy
And I know that it is true-y
It will end when Haruhi
Says that's good enough for me.