This one should be fun. In fact, I think we can make it into a contest.
It's the pagany folk nerd song parody of "Old Time Religion."
(You know. "Give me that old time religion/ Give me that old time religion/ Give me that old time religion/ It's good enough for me.")
I've loved this ever since I first heard it. Apart from just being silly and fun with many ridiculous rhymes, it's a neat reminder that Christianity really isn't "that old time religion" -- many religions are much, much older. And it has a nice, gentle, "making fun of everyone equally" quality that I'm very fond of.
Technically, I suppose it's not atheist. It's more "pagan/ disrespectful of organized religion." And technically I suppose it's not pop culture, either, unless you consider folk nerd song parodies to be pop culture. But I don't care. The subject of Druids came up at work the other day, and this verse popped into my head, and I decided I had to share with the rest of the class:
Let us worship like the Druids
Running naked through the woo-ids
Drinking strange fermented fluids
And that's good enough for me.
(Give me that old time religion, etc.)
There are about eight hundred thousand verses floating around in the folk nerd world and on the 'Net, but not all of them are gems. Here are a few that I'm particularly fond of:
Let us worship Aphrodite
In her silky see-through nightie
Though she's mean and somewhat flighty
She's good enough for me.
Let us sacrifice to Isis
She will help us in a crisis
And she hasn't raised her prices
And that's good enough for me.
Let us all bow down to Buddha
There's no other God who's cuter
Comes in copper, brass, and pewter
And that's good enough for me.
Let us travel to Valhalla
In Volkswagens, not Impalas
Singing "Deutschland Uber Alles"
And that's good enough for me.
Let us sacrifice to Kali
Let us worship her, by golly
To ignore her would be folly
And that's good enough for me.
Let us worship Zarathustra
Let us worship like we used to
I'm a Zarathustra booster
And that's good enough for me.
This next has always been my favorite:
Let us sacrifice to Loki
He's the old Norse god of chaos
Which is why this verse doesn't rhyme, or scan
And that's good enough for me.
And to show that it's an equal opportunity song parody, there are at least two verses on Christianity:
Let us all bow down to Mary
For she hasn't lost her cherry
And she cures the beri-beri
And that's good enough for me.
Let us worship like the Quakers
(silence)
(silence)
And that's good enough for me.
I wrote the next two myself:
Let us now form up a caucus
So that we may worship Bacchus
For his followers are raucous
And that's good enough for me.
(Alternate last line: "For his followers will fock us...")
Let us sacrifice to Hades
Looking spiffy in his shade-es
He's a devil with the ladies
And that's good enough for me.
My good friend Rebecca wrote this one:
There's a graven image of Ba'al
That I bought for my front ha'al
At the graven image ma'al
And that's good enough for me.
And my good friend Nosmo King wrote this verse, totally on the fly the first time he heard the song, earning the eternal admiration of all the drunken folk nerds at that particular party:
Let us walk the path of Tao
Though it hasn't got much wow
But it's in the here and now
And that's good enough for me.
So now it's your turn! At parties we keep singing the same ones again and again, and we need new ones. Plus we desperately need some from the atheist pantheon of made-up religions, and I'm having a hard time rhyming "flying spaghetti monster" and "invisible pink unicorn." (I'm about halfway there on Russell's Teapot -- something about "It's impossible to see, but" -- but so far I'm failing to come up with a last line.)
So chime in with your verses! The winner -- picked entirely by me at my own whim -- will get a free copy of any of my three books that they want: Paying For It, Three Kinds of Asking For It, or Best Erotic Comics 2008. Entries must be made in the comments by August 31. Have fun, y'all!
(Druid photo by La Repubblica.)
Let us bow down to Cthulhu
Most implacable and cruel, who
Always covers me with drool; you
Know that's good enough for me.
Give me that cold slime religion...
Posted by: Tim Walters | August 15, 2008 at 03:31 PM
The invisible pink unicorn
May be found in ancient cuneiform
And always shall my socks adorn...
And that's good enough for me.
The Principia Discord-i-a says
The Goddess Eris is our goddess, yes,
And chaos give such good milk, I must confess,
That it's good enough for me.
Posted by: Geoff | August 15, 2008 at 06:09 PM
Let us all worship Blind Io
With his many eyes that fly-o.
God of thunder up on high-o,
He is good enough for me.
Let's worship Nuggan, who will not let
His devotees taste of chocolate
(Mainly because he is batshit),
But he's good enough for me.
Posted by: Danielle | August 15, 2008 at 06:29 PM
Let us say a reverent r'amen
for the sphagetti monster flyin'
he made a midget, tree, and mountain
and that's good enough for me
with his noodly appendage waving
he touches every kind of measuring
makes it look like he ain't existing
and that's good enough for me
pirates make the world much cooler
without them all our polar
ice is melting, now we're scewered
arrr, that's good enough for me
Posted by: Seth Manapio | August 15, 2008 at 08:57 PM
Gimme that Internet Religion
that's a total work of fiction
Flying Spaghetti Chicken...
Eh, that's close enough for me.
Posted by: Rick | August 16, 2008 at 01:42 AM
Text editors are religions, right? For more info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_of_Emacs Let's bow down to emacs' glory Control-Meta don't be sorry This OS won't cause you worry and that's good enough for me! Let us all use the vi change the modes and don't ask why make some emacs-users cry and that's good enough for me!
Posted by: Ngeli | August 16, 2008 at 01:52 AM
more fsm lyrics:
When he comes the Pasta Brethren
will have beer and television
we'll have strippers up in heaven
and that's good enough for me
Posted by: Seth Manapio | August 16, 2008 at 04:18 AM
The particularly subversive thing about the Loki verse is that it does scan. It's usually sung with the word "rhyme" extended over two beats, with a long pause after it to give the impression that the rhythm is awkward, but if you just take one beat for "rhyme" (which is, after all, only one syllable) and then plunge ahead with no pause, it scans just fine.
I love the Quaker one. Hadn't heard that before. And the Druid one is quite brilliant.
Posted by: Jon Berger | August 16, 2008 at 07:55 AM
We shall worship mighty Hastur
No one gets us running faster
We chant "Hastur Hastur Hastur!"
And that's good enough f
Posted by: JohnnyPotamus | August 16, 2008 at 07:59 AM
FSM is wise and holy
Now I never feel lonely
When I eat a cannelloni
and that's good enough for me!
I will worship His Great Noodles
'Cause he doesn't give two toodles
What we do with our own doodles
and that's good enough for me!
Can't be seen, and made of pasta
You can't get there any fasta
Than our flying Pasta Masta
and that's good enough for me!
In the Beginning He did fidget
With his planet-making widget
Made a mountain, tree, and 'midgit'
and that's good enough for me!
(Some are better than others. I bet I'll come up with some more.)
Posted by: JohnnyPotamus | August 16, 2008 at 10:55 AM
Let us give our props to Yahweh
Cause he did it all in 6 days
And he kills if you get in his way
And that's good enough for me.
Posted by: DeSwiss | August 16, 2008 at 12:34 PM
Just came up with this one:
Let us honor with confetti
The great Monster of Spaghetti
Flying 'cross the Serengeti
He's good enough for me.
Still working on the Russell's Teapot one, though.
Posted by: Greta Christina | August 16, 2008 at 02:32 PM
We are drawin' in the mobs
To sell garbage by the gobs
Payin' J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
And it's good enough for me.
Posted by: Taxorgian | August 16, 2008 at 03:21 PM
To me, there are no gods like the Greek gods. They are just so... so human. So delightfully carnal, a celebration of the whole human experience, warts and all.
At the Temple of Apollo
Some will lead and some will follow
Some will spit and some will swallow
And that’s good enough for me
When we follow Dionysus
Then no matter what the price is
We’ll engage in all our vices
And that’s good enough for me
With Athena in her armor
So that mortal man can’t harm’er
She is such a gorgeous charmer*
And that’s good enough for me
And the thunderbolts of Zeus’s
Are the least of his abuses
Leda talks about his gooses
And that’s good enough for me
Let us all revere Poseidon
Cos he’ll find you where you’re hidin’
And your ass he’ll soon be ridin’
And that’s good enough for me
When we speak of beaux and Eros
Our perspective rather narrows
Though it pierce us to our marrows
It’s good enough for me
Let us follow Terpsichore
As she leads us all to glory
Every dance will tell a story
And that’s good enough for me
We need never wonder why, men,
We will strive to do and die**, men,
At the service of dear Hymen,
And that’s good enough for me
*alternate line—“I would plow her like a farmer”
**well, a little death, anyway.
Posted by: Cuttlefish | August 16, 2008 at 03:48 PM
Let us bow down to Astarte
Though the Hebrews call her tarty,
she knows how to throw a party,
and that’s good enough for me.
Let’s pay homage to Ishtar,
though she snatch men from the bar,
in time of need, she’s never far
and that’s good enough for me.
Worship Ishtar one and all,
true, she is a femme fatale,
but she hears you when you call,
and that’s good enough for me.
Posted by: traumerin | August 16, 2008 at 06:07 PM
Worship the subgenius Bob Dobbs,
His pipe's not made of corn cobs,
X-day's his day to form mobs,
And that's good enough for me.
Posted by: Robert Madewell | August 16, 2008 at 06:49 PM
Let us follow the immortals
Till we pass through Heaven's portals
And deliver them our chortles--
That's good enough for me!
If we laugh ourselves unsteady
And keep criticism ready,
Flying monsters of spaghetti
Are good enough for me!
Though invisible, it's pinking--
It's a unicorn, I'm thinking--
And the atheists are winking
And that's good enough for me!
Though I have no God vendetta,
I would sooner worship Greta,
Though in truth, I've never met-a
She's good enough for me!
Posted by: Cuttlefish | August 16, 2008 at 07:30 PM
I am now in such fine fettle
That I think I have the mettle
To bow down to Russell's kettle
Cos it's good enough for me...
If I bow before some entity
And call it heaven-sentity
Please check on my dementity
That's good enough for me
Posted by: Cuttlefish | August 16, 2008 at 07:36 PM
Let us worship like the Jedi Knights
And use the Force to set wrongs right
Reciting DEATHLESS. DIALOGUE. with all our might
That's good enough for me.
Posted by: Roov | August 17, 2008 at 11:46 AM
Let's all worship libido
You'll agree it's very neato
It's why I'm here today
And that's good enough for me
Let's all hail Eris
Patron saint of chaos
She has a sacred Chao
And that's good enough for me
Let's all bow down to Gandalf
Tolkien's very best non-elf
No Balrog shall pass
And that's good enough for me
Let's all bow down to Cat5
We have no chance to survive
He set up us the bomb
And that's good enough for me
Let's all worship Isis
She is the very brightest
As Osiris can attest
And that's good enough for me
Posted by: JarJar_Head | August 17, 2008 at 01:19 PM
If your spirits have been flaggin'
Hop on the Kthulu bandwagon
Ia! ia! Kthulu ftagn
And that's good enough for me
Posted by: Lyra | August 17, 2008 at 05:14 PM
Now let's sing the verse for Pele
[Shouted] Quickly! Hurry! Andele!
If we don't she'll start a melee
and that's good enough for me!
Posted by: Rebecca | August 17, 2008 at 05:15 PM
Let's sing one for Fascinus
He looked just like a penis
Though some think that's obscene, it's
good enough for me!
Posted by: Rebecca | August 17, 2008 at 05:27 PM
Bend your knee to great Jehovah
Whom no one gets nothin’ ovah
He got Mary, won’t let go of her
Yassuh, suh - good enough for me!
Don’t forget the god named Allah,
Who’s beyond all words tra la la
From Tora Bora to Walla Walla
Allahu Akbar’s enough for me!
Even Conan bows down to Crom
Whom no help comes from
Take care of yourself, with aplomb
Gotta be good enough for me!
Let us worship all the gods
Some are dudes, and some are broads
Pascal says that gives better odds
That's good enough for me!
Posted by: Pierce R. Butler | August 17, 2008 at 08:03 PM
Let us praise this plate of pasta:
it's the flying spaghetti monstah!
He totally pwns Jocasta
And that's good enough for me!
I find cheezburgerz on teh ground
an ai KNO hiskool dropout bin around
an kittehs r orgnizd like burgurz on teh ground
so AI KNO teh seelin cat lurves me!
glory b un2 teh ceiling cat:
cheezburgurz b wut HE xcells at
AN IT NEVR GONNA MAKE U FAT!!!
An it b gud inuff 4me.
Posted by: Maria | August 17, 2008 at 09:02 PM
Let us venerate Chris Hitchens,
sure there’s the moanin’ and the bitchen’
but he’ll always get his pitch in,
and that’s good enough for me.
Let us doff our hats for Dawkins,
when the fundies come a-flockin’
like a master he’s a-mockin’,
and that’s good enough for me.
Posted by: traumerin | August 17, 2008 at 11:48 PM
Praise the Great Gesargenplotz
freed us from the evil godz
demands worship he does notz
and that's good enough for me.
(google it!)
Posted by: John B Hodges | August 18, 2008 at 04:27 AM
Let us worship Russell's Teapot
Though it cannot keep your tea hot
Yet disprovable it be not
And that's good enough for me
If the Monster of Spaghetti
Was to fight with a big Yeti
He would whop its ass I bet-i
And that's good enough for me
Invisible Pink Unicorn
Demands your worship night and morn
Or she will stab you with her horn
And that's good enough for me
I have to admit, I quite like the idea of worshipping Greta...
Posted by: Claire B | August 18, 2008 at 05:19 AM
Let's pen a paeon to Satan
With all them souls a bakin
Wonder what the hell he's makin
But that's good enough for me.
Posted by: s. pimpernel | August 18, 2008 at 05:55 AM
Upon more mature consideration, here's an alternative version of the Flying Spaghetti Monster's hypothetical encounter with Bigfoot:
If the Monster of Spaghetti
Was to dipute with a Yeti
He would make it look quite petty
And that's good enough for me.
Posted by: Claire B | August 18, 2008 at 07:54 AM
Damn. The third word in the second line was meant to be "dispute".
I really must get into the habit of previewing before I post...
Posted by: Claire B | August 18, 2008 at 08:01 AM
Let me worship the Holy Spirit
even tho I can't touch it or see it
but I know It's there because I feel it
and that's good enough for me.
Posted by: Jerry Newsome | August 18, 2008 at 08:10 AM
Let us shower praise on Thoth
He who's favoured by the goths
Without him we'd all be nought
And that's good enough for me!
Let's bow to the hidden dragon
In the garage of Carl Sagan
He can't be known and that's not braggin'
And that's good enough for me!
Let us pray to lovely Freyja
Who watches over wedding days-a
And takes half of all we slay-a
And that's good enough for me!
Let's revere Ahura Mazda
Erect a statue in the plaza
And take his worship far as Gaza
That's good enough for me!
Posted by: Indigo | August 18, 2008 at 03:05 PM
Let us toast to Quetzalcoatl
With the contents of this bottle
Not a little, but a lot'll
Be good enough for me
We will toast the feathered snakey
Till the world is blurred and shakey
Then pass out 'til wakey-wakey,
That's good enough for me
If your deity is serpentine
Please check what you are slurpin'- find
A label that says "turpentine"?
That's good enough for me
Posted by: Cuttlefish | August 18, 2008 at 06:11 PM
Let us worship ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD
Let us worship Candlejack
Who takes peo
Posted by: Anonymous | August 18, 2008 at 08:49 PM
All you virgins sing to Vesta...
(empty pause)
C'mon I promise we won't test ya...
(pause)
Well I guess that's it for Vesta
And that's good enough for me.
Posted by: Rebecca | August 18, 2008 at 09:06 PM
Invisible Pink Unicorn:
Although she does not work in porn
She always has a mighty horn;
That's good enough for me.
Posted by: Claire B | August 19, 2008 at 03:05 AM
Oh mighty Greta, thou who with thy mighty powers of logic and clear-headedness doth shine light into even the darkest ways of ignorance and confusion, I bring further offerings to lay at your blogshrine.
Well I went to see the dragon
In the garage of Carl Sagan
But it hid behind a wagon -
Still, that's good enough for me
From Jehovah to Cthulhu
All the many gods that rule you
Now no longer will they fool you
And that's good enough for me!
Posted by: Claire B | August 19, 2008 at 05:18 AM
Let us dust off the fonts, ter
Praise the Great Spaghetti Monster -
He can do what he wants ter
Cause he's good enough for me!
Posted by: Kit | August 19, 2008 at 08:27 AM
Let us worship Gordon Ramsey
and all his many "fuck me"s
"silly twat"s and "donkey"s
and that's good enough for me!
I revel in his bollocking,
insults all a frollicking
from his mouth when he's a talking
and that's good enough for me!
Posted by: PhillyChief | August 19, 2008 at 09:04 AM
L. Ron Hubbard worships Xenu,
Whom Tom would have us worship too,
Scientology is pure WOO,
But thats good enough for me.
Posted by: Rob~n | August 19, 2008 at 12:17 PM
I'd be shocked if the cuttlefish didn't win this, but that doesn't mean I can't try. More to come after these if I think of any...
Come, be a member of the Jews,
Praise God: our people He did choose!
Sure, Israel's got some blacks and blues,
But it's good enough for me!
Please, join us Catholics, worship Christ
Who, though a man, they say comes twice.
Just don't say that His blood* needs spiced
And you'll be good enough for me!
*That'd be the transubstantiated wine, for those not keeping up
Though Islam seems a bit contrived,
I bow to Allah, that's no jive.
But hey - at least I'm still alive,
And that's good enough for me!
Posted by: larryniven | August 19, 2008 at 02:32 PM
Cuttlefish sent me ^_^
Let us worship our Sky Fairy.
Lo, His chin is rather hairy.
He says don't eat meat with dairy,
And that's good enough for me.
Let us worship Cross-Boy Jesus.
In our darkest hour he sees us.
If my prayer does him a-pleases,
I will win the lottery!
If I dissed dear ol' Mohammad,
Would my house risk being bombéd?
Oh, Islam is peace... Osama'd
Kill me with the irony.
Let's worship the One True God.
Hey, don't you think it is odd
The One True God that I laud
Is not the same for thee?
Let us worship Sacred Cracker.
Dear God! That heathen slacker
Is a Sacred Cracker-jacker
And he mailed it to PZ!
(If I may mangle Stephen King for a bit):
See the turtle of enormous girth.
On his shell he holds the earth,
He loves the smallest things of worth,
And even loves a child like me.
(And finally for a bit of further divergence from the meter à la Buggs Bunny):
Brick-a-brack-a-firecracker
Sis-boom-bah!
Ra! Ra! Ra! Ra!
Rah! Rah! Rah!
Posted by: mandydax | August 19, 2008 at 06:38 PM
Let us all pray to Joe Pesci
Give him an enemy's addressy
It could get pretty messy
And that's good enough for me!
Posted by: Alex the Fish | August 20, 2008 at 12:34 AM
Let us remove all the foreskins
From all our fleshy lovefins
Don't know why god needs the peen skins
But it's good enough for me.
Posted by: Alex the Fish | August 20, 2008 at 12:50 AM
And just to make sure that it's really an equal opportunities piss-take, here's a few New Age verses:
I will teach you Spirit Power
While I'm charging by the hour
Do my prices make you cower?
Well that's good enough for me
If you use your crystals rightly
If you stroke them very lightly
You will get good feelings nightly
And that's good enough for me
If you do your meditation
All the power of creation
Will be stopping at your station
And that's good enough for me
This advice may not seem drastic
But 'twill make your life fantastic
Cash or cheque? (We don't take plastic)
And that's good enough for me!
Blimey, these things are pretty addictive, aren't they? It's always, "Oh, just one more..."
Posted by: Claire B | August 20, 2008 at 03:09 AM
Let's bow down to Quetzalcoatl
Though his name is somewhat glottal
Then we'll all go hit the bottle,
And that's good enough for me.
Posted by: Spidergrackle | August 20, 2008 at 12:41 PM
Just found this one out on Der Interwebs:
Oh my neighbor is a Buddhist,
And my roommate is Voodooist,
And well, me, I'm just a nudist,
But that's good enough for me.
Posted by: Spidergrackle | August 20, 2008 at 12:52 PM
A few more:
Does your god pander to the man?
Try being Rastafarian!
We all smoke weed and party an'
That's good enough for me!
Don't be like those Chocktaw scums -
Hail Nah-too-si with songs and drums!
At least until the white man comes,
It's good enough for me!
Are most faiths too concrete for ya?
Then try your hand at Kabbalah!
It's good enough for Madonna,
So it's good enough for me!
Posted by: larryniven | August 20, 2008 at 02:23 PM
Give me a set of rodents twain
Whose machinations end in vain
They're Pinky and the Brain (Brain, Brain)
And that's good enough for me!
Posted by: Blake Stacey | August 20, 2008 at 06:12 PM