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C. L. Hanson

The funny thing is that even though I'm straight (and my husband is a lot more butch than I am), I still don't feel like I fit into the butch/femme personality style dichotomy....

Valhar2000

Interesting indeed. Nice post!
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Hmm, I've been flagged as a potential spam comment, even though I did not write any URLs...

That's some butch security you got there, Greta!

Joreth

I get that a lot. I'm "butch" in mind but femme in body. I'm very small, have really long hair and look very delicate. But I wear combat boots and BDUs and my tool belt weighs almost as much as I do.

I regularly get talked down to as if I'm a "girl" because of how I look, but I don't identify as a "girl". I don't identify as a guy or as a butch either. I think the closest I have ever come is: I am a gay man who just happened to be born in the body post-op of a girl. People who know me better, though, think of me more like a tough butch chick. One of my boyfriends makes jokes (in the ironic sense, not to be mean) that he can't believe I'm not a lesbian.

I like the androgyny. I like that I think like a stereotypical male but I look very feminine. I prefer to wear mens clothing for comfort, but like any stereotypical gay man, I like to get dressed up in flirty dresses and flaunt my body or go dancing. I like that this very delicate body can climb to the rafters of a convention center, dangle my legs around a beam 50 feet in the air, and haul up a 1/4 ton motor chain for the purpose of hanging truss for events.

Screw all that femme/butch dichotomy bullshit. I am me. A strong, independent, pretty, flirty woman and I don't care if it crosses gender lines and bothers people who want to characterize me. I am just me.

Efrique

I think that pigeonholing seems to be a human universal. It saves having to think.

I'm a big hairy male, so obviously... [I understand everything about cars (nope), like football (not generally), and couldn't possibly enjoy mending a sock or sit and have a tea party with my daughter (wrong again).]

I'm mathematically able, so obviously... I am illiterate, unfeeling and socially inept.

I like science, so obviously... I cannot appreciate art, poetry, music or have any sense of mystery.

I'm a roleplayer, so obviously... I am socially inept (again!?) and I have questionable bathing habits.

I'm an atheist, so obviously... I have no morals and want to ruin Christmas.

I'm a father, so obviously... I never look after babies and would never need to change a baby in a shopping mall (which is presumably why the change facilities are often in the women's toilets, etc). [In fact, I did most of the nappy work. And more than half of the toilet training.]

I could go on, but you get the idea.

Patience

Oh, Greta, I understand you just fine. I'm equally unahppy to be labelled 'femme' and equally likely. What you described is what I'm often subjected to, too, and it gets my blood boiling. If we're not classifying straight girls by how "traditionally feminine" or "traditionally masculine" they are, why are we doing it to the dykes?

c4bl3fl4m3

Wow, do I hear you on this. I'm the same way. I'm a genderfluid bio-female. I feel I'm mainly masculine, but just because I feel more like a guy than a girl, why the hell does this mean that I should hide or deny my feminine side? It's there and there's nothing wrong with it. So sometimes I dress butch, sometimes I dress femme and sometimes I dress with some of both (not really androgynous, but more of a both). Yeah, I wear guy's raver/goth pants, but I also have long hair (more of a hippy thing than a gender thing... if I was a guy, I'd still have long hair) and feminine glasses. Some days I wear a suit and tie... some days I wear a dress. Why not? I'm just going to express me as me. And society's butch/femme dichotomy just doesn't fit me. Hell, even butch/androgynous/femme doesn't fit me.

Maybe that's why I have so many problems fitting in in the Dyke scene in DC. Because I refuse to choose. Because, I mean, why should I?

I think I learned this from the Radical Faeries (or perhaps this is part of why I'm drawn to them). We've got big bear men wearing dresses... and NOT shaving off their beards. Showing their copious chest hair via the low cut collars. And why not?

I support you in your non-butch, non-femme, both-butch-and-femme, whatever-the-hell-you-identify-as... uhm... -ness. I know! I support you in your Greta-ness! Go forth and conqueror genderlabel roles!

Deena

Well, we have discussed this topic many times while we maintain your tresses, but it is always nice to see your thoughts in print!
I was trying to join a yahoo group about ftm surgeries, since im travelling with a pal for his final stage. They asked my to chose a gender, and there were only two to choose from! somehow that still surprizes me!
Having been crammed by others into that femme box, i find myself pounding on the box walls to be let out, and stop being punished and isolated for what others assume I am.
If I had balls, i'd be scratchin' em right now.
Tell me that I'm Femme now!
xoxo Deena

Amanda

This is a really weird issue for me. I'm 19 and I'm just now finding my sort of lesbian sexual identity. It's confusing to me when people ask me to put myself in a box. What are you: butch or femme? I don't feel like I'm either. I don't look like a boy - I think I'm pretty feminine though I dress (mostly) androgynous. I never wear skirts and dresses but sometimes I do a smoky eye or wear lipstick. I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't fit in a category but I fear other people will still try to put me in one. :[

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