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I'll defer to your expertise on porn, but I too have noticed that trend. I've had male-dom/female-sub fantasies since before I knew that's what they were - as far back as I can remember. It has been nice to have my tastes catered to these days.

Now, I'll try to be patient about the ever decreasing hairiness of the participants. What's so wrong with genital hair? I don't need the uber hair of the seventies, but a nice trimmed bush on men and women alike would be most appreciated.

Steven Alleyn

I've gotta say that I never understood the dom-sub relationship in porn and sex, one way or another. I've never felt disgusted by it or something, like I've heard a lot of people say, but I just...

I could never DREAM - scratch that, I couldn't ever IMAGINE of whipping or humiliating a woman. I've got three sisters and was raised by a single mother; it would go against everything, all the respect I've ever learned to direct at women. On the other side of that, I could never submit one iota of my own independence and pride and self-resect to ANY other human being.

So I just don't understand it, it doesn't do it for me - which is why it's really interesting for me to read these pieces, it gives me insight into something I can't know, otherwise. I like it and I thank you for it.

Shannon E. Wells

You touch on a bunch of things I've also been thinking -

It's not realistic to lump these folks into a few tiny pigeonholes, of course. One of my (maybe it's not mine and I forgot about reading it somewhere) favorite theories is that some people sexualized traumatic abuse they experienced (or witnessed) as a child, as a way to control their fear, or reclaim their power in the situation. After reading The Red Queen, I seriously suspect some people are just hardwired that way. Unfortunately since I never watch porn I can't begin to say if or why there might be a change in the trend. There are so many variables in the equation that it would be pretty hard to nail down: more women consuming porn, more amateur porn, easier access to porn, higher political and social status of women, more women in the workplace, etc. All of these could influence a change in the market.

(off topic, I've read 3 of your posts so far and really like them so I think I'll be subscribing to your RSS feed. thanks)

David Harmon

Greta: I tend to agree with your interpretation -- social expectations most certainly can be something burdensome, not to mention self-imposed standards of "goodness". Such play, of course, is generally a matter of pulling something out of the Jungian "shadow" -- but what we find in there can and does vary over time, both for individuals and masses!

Lady Midnight

Hi Greta,

I really enjoyed your post, also. As a BDSM author I'm always interested in what readers are saying. I write both Femme Domme and Male Dom depending on the inspiration I find in the environment.

As a 32 year member of the Community, I do see a lot of abuse cases within the Lifestyle. Whether we're hard-wired that way or not has never been studied, to my knowledge. I see many people who don't consider themselves abuse cases, yet the scars are in their personalities.

They, true to form, become the abusers.

However, I think this Lifestyle attracts the abused, not because of unresolved issues - issues that will never be resolved - rather because of the intensity of the interaction.

Within the Lifestyle there is a particular protocol to which one must adhere, or find one's ass on the floor - NOW! We don't have to wait or wonder what may happen, we don't need to think we can get away with it, because Dom/me is on it.

Secondly - simply the intensity of the physical contact. In a vanilla sexual exchange, there may or may not be foreplay, and not every one acheives orgasm, necessarily. The intensity in even a low-level Scene is trumps the nervous system stimulation of 'normal' sex.

I believe that because those with abuse issues were raised, or have subsequently suffered such high-level intensity, we require something even more intense for it to even register, both physically and mentally.

That would be the BDSM Culture where everything is straight forward, and in-your-face intense.

My Femme Domme work is about abuse cases, how we interact with the world, and some of the really screwed-up ways both males and females come to conclusions.

My Male Dom work tends to chose a Lifestyle theme like multiple-slave households, body modifications, office slut, The Scene with a Heart.

However, if the purpose of a D/s relationship is to give one party the opportunity to express Dominance, and the other submission, gender is secondary.

What I see happening is a backlash to the Feminist Movement. Women who are submissive and desire to submit to a Dom, don't care to feel ostracized by the wider world, anymore.

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