Greta Christina's Blog

Star Trek Meets Monty Python, or, The Geekiest Thing in the Universe This Week

Oh, my sweet Loki.

I am speechless.

It's a montage of video clips from Star Trek (Original Series), arranged to the "Camelot" song from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

And I am embarassed to admit that it's the funniest thing I've seen all week. Not to mention how embarassed I am to admit that I recognized almost every one of the clips. My geek badge of shame is shining brightly this week.

Video below the fold (since putting it above the fold mucks up my archives).

The Simpsons Church Sign Generator

I ran across this when I was hunting for images to illustrate my Non-Science of Intelligent Design piece. It's unbelievably nifty, and I thought I should share the wealth and the glory.

It's the Simpsons Church Sign Generator.

It's a website/ widget that lets you put any text you want onto the sign in front of the Simpsons church. Blasphemy, obscenity, stupid jokes, football scores, total gibberish -- whatever you want. As long as the text fits... and you can change the font size, so it's fairly easy to get longer or shorter text fitting snugly into the sign.

Like this:



Or this, from the Duelling Billboards comment thread (thanks, Mark!):

Or this, inspired by my cat's newfound worship of the Norse gods:

I've used other image generators before for this blog -- most notably a gravestone generator and a newspaper headline generator. But this one totally takes the prize, and I suspect that you'll be seeing a lot of it in the months to come.

BTW, the Simpsons Church Sign Generator site does link to some regular Church Sign Generator sites as well, using photographs of actual church signs as their templates. But somehow, that doesn't seem right to me. I don't like having words put in my mouth, and I don't feel right putting my words in the mouth of actual, literal churches.

I am, however, perfectly happy to put my words in the mouth of the Reverend Lovejoy. Fictional ministers seem like fair game to me.

So go forth and spread the gospel of the Good Reverend Lovejoy. Whatever you decide that is. And if you put your own made-up Simpsons church signs on your blog, please drop me a comment and let me know.

GOP Candidates and Buffy Villains: Separated At Birth?

If you're not a Buffy fan, you probably won't get this at all. If you are a Buffy fan, do not imbibe liquids while reading this, as you will spit them all over your keyboard.

It's The GOP Primary Field in Buffy Villains -- a guide to the Republican Presidential candidates, explaining them by comparing them to villains from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer."

My very favorite is Fred Thompson as The Judge: "His backers got all excited and made a big effort to assemble him. When they finally put him together, he turned out to be a lethargic mess and didn't accomplish very much."

And there's quite a bit of debate over where to put Rudy Giuliani. It's a toughie, but after giving it way too much thought, here's my suggestion:

Illyria.

Constantly obsessing about a moment of glory in his past, to the point where it's become pathetic. Convinced that this past moment of glory still makes him impressive and intimidating and worthy of respect... and prone to getting very agitated when people don't share this opinion. Nowhere near as powerful as he used to be, but still a threat. Not completely incapable of human feeling, but ultimately craven and self-centered.

What are y'all's thoughts? And what about the Dems? What Buffy villains -- or flawed heroes -- are they?

And thanks to Rebecca for the tip!

A Reality Show About Art: Project Runway

It's somewhat alarming how quickly this happened.

I went from catching the last half hour of a rerun on the TV at the gym, to obsessively Tivoing every new episode plus every rerun from every single season that has ever aired... in the space of about four weeks.

I've sucked Ingrid into it as well. And we have totally gone to the bad place, watching hours-long marathons and even renting the season we missed on Netflix. In a matter of a few weeks, this silly reality show has become like "The Daily Show" or "The Office" -- one of the very few TV shows that I never, ever want to miss.

So here's the thing about this show, the thing you might not be expecting, the thing that surprised the hell out of me:

"Project Runway" is actually smart and interesting.

Yes, it's fun, entertaining, easy-to-swallow pop culture fluff. But it's fun, entertaining, easy-to-swallow pop culture fluff with some thought and substance behind it, and with perspective and light to shed on the reality of the human world.

Maybe I'm just rationalizing. But I don't think so. And I have backup for my opinion. I mean, the whole reason I watched the damn show at the gym in the first place was that I'd read more than one article, by more than one smart and thoughtful TV or culture critic, with a headline reading something like, "Project Runway: Actually A Good TV Show."

Subhead: "No, Really. Stop Laughing. I'm Serious."

So here's my Grand Theory of what I think makes "Project Runway" smart and interesting:

It's a reality show about art.

Atheism in Pop Culture Part 7: The Motherlode

Ted Williams and Nina Hartley. David Cronenberg and Dave Barry. Brian Eno and Barry Manilow. Joss Whedon and Andy Rooney. Sarah Vowell and Ted Turner.

All atheists.

I've found the "atheism in pop culture" motherlode, people. It's the Celebrity Atheist List, "an offbeat collection of notable individuals who have been public about their lack of belief in deities."

And it's hilarious.

It's just such a fascinating mish-mosh. I'd be hard pressed to find any other characteristic that all these people have in common, apart from being carbon-based humanoid life forms.

I mean -- Barry Manilow?

Really?

And that's what I like about it. It's such a rich vein of counter-examples to the stereotype of atheists as sad, hopeless, amoral, unpatriotic, self-centered nihilists who only live for ourselves and only live for the moment.

After all, are you really going to call Dave Barry sad and hopeless? Andy Rooney unpatriotic? Studs Terkel nihilistic? Salman Rushdie self-centered and amoral? Did Pat Tillman live only for himself? Does Barbara Ehrenreich live only for the moment?

Plus it's just hilarious. I mean -- Mickey Dolenz and Ingmar Bergman! Jean-Luc Godard and Ani DiFranco! Ray Romano and Marie Curie! Noam Chomsky and Bjork!

Hours of time-wasting fun. Check it out. And tell me who your favorites are!

Why Religion Is Like Fanfic

I was reading some unusually wacky Christian theology in Disinformation's new book, Everything You Know About God Is Wrong (more on the book when I'm done with it -- the thing is great, but it's huge). Specifically: In the Middle Ages, there was all this theology about the immaculate conception virgin birth and how exactly Mary got impregnated by God, with several theologians putting forth the theory that -- get this -- the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary in her ear.

No, really. In her ear.

What's more, there's other theology of the period seriously discussing the question of how, physically, Jesus was born. Did he just teleport out of Mary's womb, or was he born out of her ear (since he was conceived there, after all), or what?

Because, after all, the pussy is a disgusting, putrid font of sin and evil, and God would never go there. Or be born out of there.

But I digress.

I was reading this, and I was suddenly struck with how familiar it all seemed.

It reads exactly like fan-written blueprints for the Enterprise in "Star Trek." Or fan-written explanations for discrepancies in star dates, or why the Enterprise has completely reliable lie detectors that they only use in three episodes.

"Its offspring made small mewling sounds": Edward Gorey's "The Trouble With Tribbles"

This made me laugh harder than anything else all week.

It's a... I don't even know how to say what it is. Shaenon K. Garrity, a fan of Edward Gorey and Star Trek, discovered that the former had been a fan of the latter, and created this imagining -- essentially a fanfic mash-up in comic form -- of what Gorey would have done with "The Trouble With Tribbles."

The drawing doesn't quite have Gorey's touch (who does?), but it's pretty darned good, with some very Gorey-esque compositions -- and the writing is dead-on. Absolutely not to be missed.

Note to the artist: Gorey was also a Buffy fan. Can we get a mash-up of "Band Candy" next? Please please please please please?

Via Making Light, and also via my friend Rebecca.

Showtime's "Californication": Well, There's Promiscuous and There's Promiscuous

You'd think I'd be irritated by it.

You'd think that Little Miss Sex-Positive Culture Critic would be foaming at the mouth. Another goddamn pop-culture depiction of promiscuity and casual sex as a sign of immaturity and instability and low self-esteem. You'd think I'd have my boilerplate rant all ready to go.

But I'm not. I don't. I've only seen one episode of "Californication" so far -- but so far I love it. And I'm dying to see more.

Quick precis, for those who haven't seen it: "Californication" is a new series on Showtime, starring David Duchovny as Hank, a messed-up writer in Los Angeles with writer's block, a divorce he's unhappy about, a whole passel of emotional problems, and a good book that got turned into a lousy movie. He has a passive, bemused, almost happy-go-lucky attitude about the life that's going down the toilet… and he deals with, or doesn't deal with, his despair and fucked-up-edness with casual, wildly promiscuous sex.

Now, I've definitely had a bellyful of the "casual promiscuous sex as sign of emotional problems" trope. I've seen it dozens, maybe even hundreds of times, and a big part of me never wants to see it again.

But I'm cutting "Californication" a whole lot of slack. It's smart, and it's funny... and most importantly, it's obviously trying to be true. And it's obviously trying to be true, not just about life in general, but about sex in particular.

I was pretty much sold in the first five minutes. I don't think I've ever seen a TV show that featured, in the first five minutes of the first scene of the premiere episode, a conversation about the clit. Where it is; where it isn't, how to find it; what to do about men who can't find it. That sort of thing. (Oh, they probably talked about it on "Sex in the City." I'm guessing: I never made it through more than two episodes of that damn show. But "Californication" makes the glib, smirking fakitude of "Sex in the City" look like... well, glib, smirking fakitude. It puts it to shame.)

And I've definitely never seen a TV show with a conversation about the clit that was anywhere near this funny. I love the moment where Hank and the woman he's going down on are about to be caught by her lousy-lover husband, and he says, "Well, maybe I should hide under your clit. He'll never find me there." (And I love even more the scene where he gives the enraged husband a lesson on female sexual anatomy.)

It just gets better from there. I'm tempted to tell you all the good bits, all the funny and freaky and trenchant sexual moments. I'm tempted to describe all the scenes where Hank's sexual passivity, sexual vengefulness, and honest desire for sexual pleasure and connection, come crashing together in a snarky, detached emotional mosh pit. I'm tempted to describe how he uses both his fame and his self-deprecation about his fame to get women to tumble into bed with him. I'm tempted to describe his defensive unease about his daughter's emerging sexuality, and thus her emergence into a world full of asshole men like him.

But I don't want to spoil it for you. I'll leave it at this so I can move on: This is a TV show that is intelligent about sex, funny about sex, perceptive about sex... and, as far as I can tell, trying really hard to be true about sex.

Which brings me back to the whole sex-positive thing.

I'm not an idiot. I get that drama requires conflict, and a TV show about a casually promiscuous guy who's overall pretty happy with his life and doesn't have any real problems would make for some profoundly boring drama. And I'm not an idiot, Part 2: I get that sex is complicated and messy and irrational, and that people don't always handle it very well. As much as I hate the narrow, luridly moralistic vision of sex that pop culture usually hands us, I'm not looking for sex-positive propaganda either.

Of course I'd like to see more genuinely positive images of sex in popular culture. But much more importantly, I'd like to see more sexual truth in popular culture. Sex-positivity isn't about being a cheerleader for sex, all sex, all the time. Sex-positivity is about seeing sex as an essential part of human life: as diverse as the human race, as ecstatic and sad and absurd as the people who are doing it.

And that's exactly what "Californication" does.

At least in the first episode. I can't wait to see more.

My New Favorite Picture

This...

is the best thing...

ever.

It's absolutely my new favorite picture of myself. I want to make it my new primary photo on my blog. I want it to be my author photo on my next book. I want it carved on my gravestone.

It's me as a character on the Simpsons.

It really looks astonishingly like me, I think. Except that I never wear my hair in a headband.

You can get your own here. And if you do, will you please please please please tell me? If you have a blog or website of your own, post the link in the comments. Or else just email me the jpg, to greta at gretachristina dot com. Maybe I'll Photoshop together a group portrait!

P.S. I want that T-shirt!

(Via Friendly Atheist, who is my new favorite atheist blogger for finding this thing.)

The Jasmine Episodes: Atheism (and Anti-Theocracy) in Pop Culture

Warning: This post contains significant Buffy the Vampire Slayer content. However, I think it'll be of interest to non-Buffy fans. If I'm wrong, and you read it anyway... well, that's five minutes of your life that you're never getting back. Them's the breaks.

I was watching the Jasmine story arc of "Angel" recently (for those who aren't familiar with the show, "Angel" was the spinoff series of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"). And it suddenly struck me, in that "Duh, I am an idiot, I can't believe I didn't think of this before" way:

This story is about religion.

From a pretty harsh atheist viewpoint. (Joss Whedon, the creator of the shows, is in fact an atheist -- and not just an atheist, but a self-described "hard-line, angry atheist.") The whole story is about why it's harmful to believe in a deity that isn't real, even if believing makes you happy. It's about what, precisely, makes religion in general and theocracy in particular troubling at best and destructive at worst. And it's about how religion has an inherent tendency to turn into theocracy given the opportunity -- all religion, even a happy and blissful religion with a message of love and peace.

Here's what happens in the story arc. (WARNING -- SPOILER ALERT.) A powerful magical creature, Jasmine, comes into the human world. She's born/brings herself into existence under extremely dubious circumstances (including possession, human sacrifice, and the manipulation of human history, among other things) -- but when she springs fully formed into being, everyone who sees her is instantly filled with peace and bliss, love of one another and acceptance of themselves and the world... and a passionate desire to worship her. All the pain and suffering that had to happen in order for her to come into the world are explained as birth pains, and even the people who were injured the most by the process of her creation immediately love and worship her when they see her. And her power and influence grow exponentially, as more and more people become aware of her and worship her.

But there are problems. Jasmine's spell is blissful, but it's deceptive, and although her followers see her as a beautiful goddess, the reality is that she's a hideous monster with worms crawling out of her decaying flesh.

Also, while she seems to genuinely want peace and love in the world, she also expects, and insists on, unquestioning obedience and devotion.

Also, she eats people.

A small number of people see Jasmine's real face -- and these people quickly become outcasts, violently hated by believers, having to hide and even go underground. Soon the bulk of Jasmine's energy that's not going towards spreading the word and building her numbers is going towards finding and destroying non-believers -- a task she accomplishes by turning her followers into fanatical spies, filled with violent, venomous hatred towards the non-believers. Jasmine's spell is finally broken when the story's hero discovers her true name and reveals it to the world

So let's look at this story's atheist viewpoint on religion and theocracy.

Okay, duh. But I want to break it down anyway.

One: It's better to know the truth then to hold a false belief, even if that makes you happy. This is a morally and emotionally complicated message, and the story doesn't shy away from it: the pain people feel when they lose their belief, and their moral conflict at trying to take that belief away from others. But while many of the story's other points serve to support this position, it also seems to be a basic moral tenet -- truth is a fundamental good, pretty much no matter what. Even if it makes you feel bad in the short run, it is almost always better in the long and even medium run.

Two: It's important to know the truth -- because holding false beliefs makes you susceptible to being manipulated and deceived in other ways. People under Jasmine's blissful, loving spell will do anything for her -- burn down their beloved bookstore, turn against their dearest friends and hunt them down like dogs, allow themselves to be eaten. Jasmine's will is seen by her believers as good by definition... and everything else, every perception and human connection and moral position, gets twisted to fit that unquestionable axiom.

Three:

Religion has a natural tendency to turn into theocracy.

When the stability and peace of a society is built on the foundation of a false belief, nothing is more important than perpetuating that belief, and stamping out non-belief. A society built on reality and truth and evidence can be questioned... but a society built on a false belief -- or even an unproven and unprovable belief -- has to bolster that belief, or else it will crumble. So as soon as a religious belief system gains a foothold and acquires any real social or political power, that power will be turned towards (a) spreading the faith and (b) stamping out non-belief.

There are certainly religious individuals who are comfortable and happy with other people not sharing their belief. But there aren't bloody many religious institutions who are comfortable and happy with that... and the ones that are tend not to be very powerful. (Compare, for instance, the numbers and political power of the Southern Baptists to that of, say, the Quakers.) And the institutional refusal to allow a belief to be questioned naturally leads to evangelism, repression of dissent, and the consolidation of social and political power.

In other words -- theocracy.

This is my entry in the Blogswarm Against Theocracy.

Homer the Vampire Slayer

If you've seen even one or two Buffy episodes and vaguely remember the opening credit sequence, I think you'll be tickled by this. And if you're a rabid fan of both Buffy and The Simpsons, I think you'll bust a gut laughing. FYI, you do have to have your sound on for it to be even remotely funny. Enjoy! (And thanks to Jocelyn for the tip. Keep those cards and letters coming, people!)

Fingertips! Buffy the Vampire Slayer and They Might Be Giants

If you're not a fan of both Buffy the Vampire Slayer and They Might Be Giants, this will probably make absolutely no sense to you at all. But if you are, you're going to love it. A friend sent it to me: it's called "21 Vidlets About Buffy the Vampire Slayer," and it... well, just enjoy.

I think my favorite is "What's that blue thing doing here?"

Biochemistry with the Celebrity Stars! (Hilarious Video Week Part 1)

The last week has been Hilarious Video Week at some of my favorite blogs. So I'm going to share some of them. This one comes via Pharyngula, and it (a) made me laugh uncontrollably, and (b) got me strangely hot. (Video below the fold.)

Dream diary, 5/21/06: Cream pie and Star Trek

Dream #1: I dreamed that Ingrid was teaching me how to make a cream pie filling out of frozen waffles, Cool Whip, and frozen fish. It was important that you use the right kind of frozen fish, and you had to use two different kinds. The filling was suprisingly tasty, but somewhat bland, and Ingrid was explaining how to add flavor -- there was a complicated formula, things like "To make it taste like blueberries, you have use coffee."

Dream #2: I was trying to convince the buyers at my job (Last Gasp, the small press/alternative book and comic distributor) that we had to carry every Star Trek magazine that was published, and to take all of them to all the book conventions we attended.

I seem to be dreaming a lot lately about food and pop culture. I don't know what this means.

Dream diary, 3/14/06: Buffy vs. Voldemort

I dreamed that Voldemort was preparing his final attack to take over the world, but instead of being fought by Harry Potter and company, he was being fought by Buffy and her gang (a gang which included me and a few of my friends). Voldemort's attack was going to be launched from Central Park in New York, down near the museums, so the Buffy gang gathered on a street corner at around 75th and Central Park West to prepare for battle.

There were about a dozen of us, and we started to discuss tactics, but Voldemort's followers began pouring into Central Park -- there were thousands of them, marching naked in a zombie-like trance along the park's trails and converging into the center of the park -- and we realized that we hadn't actually made a battle plan, and had no idea how to fight an army of this size with this degree of organization. We all sort of shrugged and said, "Oh, well, I'm sure we'll win, we always do," and barged into the park, but were captured almost immediately and imprisoned in a little shack behind the Metropolitan Museum.

We could see Voldemort's army prepare for battle through the shack's windows -- they had now split into two groups, half still naked and half with skin-tight black body armor, and they were pairing off and morphing together into these weird mutant battle-horses. The Buffy gang was starting to get worried, but mostly we were standing around the shack pretty casually, going, "Well, I'm sure we'll think of something."

I think this dream is about George W. Bush and the Democrats. But I'm not sure how the Metropolitan Museum and the mutant battle-horses fit in.