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Multiple Marriage and the Texas Polygamy Case: The Blowfish Blog

Poliamory_pride_in_san_francisco_20I have a new piece up on the Blowfish Blog, about the Texas polygamy case. At first I didn't think I was going to write about it, since I didn't think I had anything original to say about it. (Pretty much what I had to say about it was, "Oh, my god, that is so awful.") But then someone asked me what I thought of the question of legalizing multiple marriage -- in general, as well as in light of the polygamy cults -- and I decided to write this piece. It's called, somewhat unimaginatively, Multiple Marriage and the Texas Polygamy Case, and here's the teaser:

One of the main objections to legalizing multiple marriage is that, in the world as it is today, multiple marriages tend to be abusive. Groovy polyamorous triads aren't the norm, the argument goes. The norm for multiple marriage, in this country and around the world, is coercive and abusive religious cults that effectively imprison women and children. And if we don't have laws against multiple marriage, these abusive cults will be legitimized, and there will no protection for their victims.

I’m not sure whether that's true or not. I don't know if anyone has ever done a good, careful study on the frequency of multiple relationships, either in this country or around the world, to see if the coerced cult variety really does outnumber the consensual free-adult variety. If there has been such a study, I haven't seen it.

But here's the point I want to make.

When the Texas polygamy compound got raided and arrests were made, nobody was charged with bigamy.

The charges so far have all been related to child abuse. And the case seems to be largely in the hands of Child Protective Services.

So how does the illegality of multiple marriage help the victims of these situations?

To read more, read the rest of the piece. Enjoy!

Skeptic's Circle #84 and Carnival of Feminists #57

Carnival_2Blog carnivals!

Skeptic's Circle #84 is up at Archaeoporn.

And Carnival of Feminists #57 is up at Pandemian.

Nifty!

Sex, Lies, and Contraception: The Male Pill

This piece was originally published on the Blowfish Blog.

PillA question was raised recently on the Denialism science blog, and it has all sorts of interesting implications about sexual trust between men and women.

The question: Why don’t they make a birth control pill for men?

My knee-jerk response to this question has always pretty much been, "Because the pharmaceutical industry are a bunch of sexist pigs." But this post -- and the fascinating discussion that follows -- is making me realize that the question is actually a tad more complicated than that.

Male_reproductive_systemFor starters, it turns out that there are genuine biological reasons why a pill for men is trickier than a pill for women. What with our reproductive systems being different and all.

But that doesn't seem to be the main obstacle. The main obstacle to a male pill seems to be that there simply might not be a big enough market for it.

Which, in all fairness, I can understand.

Because this isn't simply a question of sexist men dumping the responsibility for birth control onto women. It's a question of whether women would be willing to place the responsibility for birth control into the hands of men.

Liars_pokerOr, as Mark Hoofnagle put it in his Denialism post: "Men are liars."

A bit harsh, but I can see his point.

(And yes, women are liars too. I'll get to that in a moment.)

If I were in a trusting, long-term relationship with a man, I might be willing to let him take care of the birth control. But if I were just dating and screwing around, the way I used to in my younger days, there'd be no way I'd trust some guy I'd just met at a party or a nightclub or an orgy, who told me, "Don't worry, baby, I'm on the pill." That's way too big a gamble to leave in the hands of someone I barely know.

Besides, I'd want to use condoms anyway -- since the pill doesn't protect against AIDS or other STIs.

But for exactly this same reason, I think Mark at Denialism may be mistaken. I think there might be a real market for a male contraceptive pill.

And it comes back to my earlier parenthetical remark:

Women are liars, too.

Pill_2_2If I were a single guy, dating and screwing around, I wouldn't want to leave the contraception question in the hands of some woman I'd just met, either. I mean, think about it. If, as a woman, I wouldn't trust some strange guy who told me, "Don't worry, baby, I'm on the pill" -- then why on earth should men trust some strange woman to tell them the same thing? The consequences for men of an unwanted pregnancy aren't as intense as they are for women... but they're not negligible. (Can you say, "child support"?)

And I think that might point to the real market for the male pill. (Or patch, or injection, or however the drug winds up getting delivered.)

ControlmovieposterMark thinks that, even if pharmaceutical researchers could make it effective, male hormonal contraception will always be a niche market, mainly limited to men in committed long-term relationships with women who trust them enough to leave the contraception in their hands. But while I can see his point, I think he may be overlooking another key market: the market of single men who want control of their own damn reproduction, just as much as women do. I think the biggest market for the male pill might well be single men who want the moral equivalent of a temporary vasectomy: a way to guarantee that they won't get stuck with offspring they didn't expect or want.

In other words -- single men who would want the pill for the exact same reasons single women want it.

TrustThe reality is that both women and men have sex with people they don't entirely trust. They have sex with people they trust enough: people they trust not to beat them up, not to steal their car, not to paint their living room hot pink while they sleep. But both women and men have sex with people who they don't trust enough to let them handle the responsibility, and make the decisions, about pregnancy and children. I think plenty of men would be happy to take a pill to ensure that their decisions about pregnancy and children weren’t being made by the hot number they met on Craig's List three weeks ago.

If I were a single man, I'd sure as hell want that.

Carnivals: Godless, Skeptics, Feminists, and Liberals

Carnival4Blog carnival time!

Carnival of the Godless #86 at Life Before Death
Skeptic's Circle at Conspiracy Factory
Carnival of Feminists #54 at In a strange land
Carnival of the Liberals #59 at The Largest Minority

Carnivals of Bloggy Goodness!

I'm a little behind on my blog carnival goodness, and there have been some excellent ones lately, so I want to get caught up.

Carnival5Humanist Symposium #15 is up at Cafe Philos. This is probably my favorite blog carnival of them all; it's the one dedicated to positive aspects of life without religious belief: in other words, atheist blogging on Why Atheism Is Good instead of Why Religion Is Bad. My piece in this Symposium: Defensiveness, Rationalization, Mulishness... What Does That Have To Do With Religion? Mistakes Were Made, Part 2. My favorite other piece in the Symposium: Stopping to Think at Elliptica, on art and the meaning of life.

Carnival2I somehow missed listing the last Carnival of the Godless at Mind on Fire when it came out. My total bad, which I'm attempting to rectify now. My pieces in this Carnival: Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts -- A Review, and Defensiveness, Rationalization, Mulishness... What Does That Have To Do With Religion? Mistakes Were Made, Part 2. My favorite other piece in this Carnival: The absolutely stunning, must-read What’s So Bad About Religion? at An Apostate's Chapel.

Carnival3Carnival of Feminists #53 is up at Uncool (one of the coolest blog names ever). My piece in this Carnival: True Love Waits... And The Rest Of Us Get On With Our Sex Lives. My favorite other piece in this Carnival: I Wanted to Fuck Like a Man at Letters from Working Girls (an extremely nifty new blog, paired with another nifty new blog Letters from Johns -- both run by Susannah Breslin, and both of which I'll be visiting again).

Carnival4Skeptic's Circle #80 is up at Bug Girl's Blog. My piece in this Circle: Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts -- A Review. My favorite other piece in the Circle: the hilarious and informative Scientific Lovers at Gateway Skepticism, on a supposedly scientific dating service that matches couples based on their histocompatibility. (My favorite quote: "Sure, having a slightly higher chance of healthy babies is great, but I'd really like to know more about the 'more orgasm' thing.")

CarnivalAnd Carnival of the Liberals #58 is up at Liberal England. My piece in this Carnival: The Content of Their Character: Judging On the Basis Of Beliefs. My favorite other piece in the Carnival: A letter to Senator Barack Obama at Prepare Yourselves for a Settlement.

And I think that catches me up with my Carnivals. I'll try to be better about staying on top of them in the future. Happy reading!

Carnivals: Godless and Feminists

Ferris_wheel_2Carnival of the Godless #83 is up at Tangled Up in Blue Guy. My pieces in this Carnival: The 100% Solution: On Uncertainty, And Why It Doesn't Matter So Much, and What's the Harm in a Little Woo? My favorite other piece in this Carnival: The Religious Right vs. Young People at Letters from a Broad.

And Carnival of Feminists #52 is up at Figure: Demystifying the Feminist Mystique. My piece in this Carnival: All I Really Need To Know I Learned From Porn -- Or Not. My favorite other piece in this Carnival: High School, Hair Color and Choices, at Me, My Kid and Life.

If you blog about godlessness or feminism and want to participate in the Carnivals, here are the submission forms for the Carnival of the Godless and the Carnival of the Feminists. Happy reading, and happy blogging!

Sex, Lies, and Contraception: The Male Pill: The Blowfish Blog

Birth_control_pillsI have a new piece up on the Blowfish Blog, a rethinking about the science, the economics, and the gender politics of the question, "Why don’t they make a birth control pill for men?" The piece is titled, Sex, Lies, and Contraception: The Male Pill, and here's the teaser:

The reality is that both women and men have sex with people they don’t entirely trust. They have sex with people they trust enough: people they trust not to beat them up, not to steal their car, not to paint their living room hot pink while they sleep. But both women and men have sex with people who they don’t trust enough to let them handle the responsibility, and make the decisions, about pregnancy and children. I think plenty of men would be happy to take a pill to ensure that their decisions about pregnancy and children weren’t being made by the hot number they met on Craig’s List three weeks ago.

If I were a single man, I’d sure as hell want that.

To find out more, read the rest of the piece. Enjoy!

All I Really Need To Know I Learned From Porn -- Or Not

This piece originally appeared on the Blowfish Blog.

I_dream_of_jennaPorn is not sex education.

I'll say it again: Porn is not sex education.

I'm saying this to everyone who's reading this. But I'm especially saying it to parents: Porn is not sex education. So you need to make sure your kids are getting actual sex education. Because if you don't, then all they really need to know about sex they'll learn from porn -- and they're going to get it completely wrong.

RadioThis came up because of a piece I heard on the NPR radio show, "This American Life." The program was on the topic of "talking to kids," and it had a whole segment on talking to kids and teenagers about sex. The entire segment was excellent... but the part that jumped out at me was the teenagers saying that they didn't have good information about sex. Specifically, they didn't have good information about the actual mechanics of sex, what goes where and how.

And so they looked at porn.

And I didn't know whether to vomit, throw things, or cry.

It wasn't just the appalling state of sex education in our country that made me want to cry. Although that was a big part of it. The sex education these kids are getting from their schools is pathetic and insulting, and they know it.

Art_school_slutsNo, what was really making me want to throw bricks through windows was that these teenagers were getting their sex education from porn... and I know, in great and vivid detail from the many years I've been watching porn, exactly how lousy that education will be.

Here is a very short list of things that people will get grotesquely wrong if they get their sex education from porn.

Cunt_coloring_bookWhat women's genitals look like. This is a biggie. If you're looking at porn video to satisfy your curiosity about what a pussy looks like -- well, standards of female beauty in porn are almost as rigid with pussies as they are with basic body types, and female genital cosmetic surgery in the porn industry is getting increasingly and depressingly common.

Dick_a_users_guideWhat male genitals look like. Another biggie -- literally. Every time I read a letter to a sex advice columnist from a guy complaining that his dick is pathetically small -- not like the guys in the porn videos -- I want to scream and bite people. Male porn actors are specifically selected for their large genitalia. They are not a statistically representative sampling. Statistically speaking, they represent the far, far end of the bell curve.

Ultimate_guide_cunnilingusThe realities of female sexual response. This may be the worst offender of the bunch. There's already enough ignorance about what gives women sexual pleasure and what gets us off, without "porn as sex ed" adding to the mix. Look, I have no doubt that there are some women out there who don't need foreplay, get very aroused by giving blowjobs, have intense multiple orgasms from intercourse alone, and couldn't care less if you touched their clit. But if that's how you're trying to get a woman off, you're really not playing the percentages. Trust me on this.

Kinseymale200The realities of male sexual response. If you're getting your sex education from porn, you're going to think that it's normal for men to get rock-hard immediately, at will, and to stay rock-hard throughout the encounter until they come. You won't necessarily know that (a) male porn actors are specifically selected for their ability to get wood and keep it; and (b) the omnipresence of wood in porn videos is due in large part to the miracle of video editing (and more recently to the miracle of Viagra).

Good_vibes_guideTo round it all off, we have the actual mechanics; the "What happens during sex?" stuff that the teenagers in the NPR story were desperately looking for. The sex in porn videos is choreographed to give a clear, unobstructed view of the penetration. It's choreographed to look good -- not to feel good. I shudder to think of a generation coming into their sexual prime thinking that reverse cowgirl and that stupid position where the woman sticks her leg up on the wall are the gold standard of the sexual nuts and bolts.

And all of that is just the tip of the sexual misinformation iceberg.

So I want to say a few things to parents:

1. Sex education in our country is in an appalling state. It has huge holes in it at best, and dispenses gross misinformation at worst.

2. If you think your kids aren't seeing porn, think again. Even before the Internet, kids and teenagers were looking at porn. (How many of us swiped our dad's Playboys for a peek? I sure did.) And with the Internet, the horse is definitely out of the barn

Everything_you_never_wantedSo do something. If you're not comfortable talking frankly with your kids about sex yourself -- and I have more sympathy for that position than you might imagine, I sure didn't want to talk with my parents about sex -- you need to make sure they have a way to get the information they want and need. Get them books. Point them at the Scarleteen or San Francisco Sex Information websites. Send them to the sex education programs offered by the Unitarians. Make sure there's an adult in their life they can talk about sex with. Or suck it up, get over your discomfort, and talk to them yourself.

Fashionistas_safadoBut for the love of all that is beautiful in this world, do not let them grow up thinking that they can get accurate, useful sex information from porn. They can -- once they're adults, of course -- use porn to get entertainment, inspiration, arousal, even some interesting new ideas. But the sex information they'll get from porn will be, if possible, even more useless and misleading than the sex information they're getting from their schools.

Carnivals: Godless #81 and Feminists #50

CarnivalBlog carnival time!

Carnival of the Godless #81 is up at Unscrewing the inscrutable. My pieces in this edition: Atheist Funerals, and How Sweet the Sound: Atheism and Religious Music. My favorite other piece in this Carnival: Christmas Hermeneutics at Ooblog, a hilariously dry piece on the Santaist/ parentist debates, and why radical asantasists are "addressing a naive conception of Santa Claus."

Also, Carnival of Feminists #50 is up at The Jaded Hippy.

If you're a godless or a feminist blogger and want to participate in these Carnivals, here are the submission forms for the Carnival of the Godless and the Carnival of Feminists. Happy reading, and happy blogging!

Carnival of Feminists #49 and Skeptic's Circle #75

CarnivalCarnival of Feminists #49 is up at Days in a wannabe punk's life.

Skeptic's Circle #75 is up at Pro-Science.

If you're a feminist or skeptical blogger, and want to submit a blog post to one of these carnivals/ circles, here are the submission forms for the Carnival of Feminists and Skeptic's Circle. Happy reading, and happy blogging!

Carnivals and Circles: Liberals, Feminists, and Skeptics

CarnivalI missed putting these up when I was away on vacation. Sorry!

Carnival of The Liberals #52 at Yikes!

Carnival of Feminists #48 at Feminist Fire

Skeptic's Circle #74 at Med Journal Watch

If you're a liberal, feminist, or skeptical blogger, and want to submit a blog post to one of these carnivals/ circles, here are the submission forms for the Carnival of The Liberals, Carnival of Feminists, and Skeptic's Circle. Happy reading, and happy blogging!

Carnivals: Godless, Feminists, and Pozitivities

Blog carnivals!

CarnivalCarnival of the Godless #79 is up at Aardvarchaeology. My pieces this time: How Can You Have Meaning Without... ? and The Meaning of Death: Part One of Many. My favorite other posts in this Carnival: Why I Am an Optimist by Franklin, on why he finds atheism to be a more optimistic philosophy than theism; Religious Privilege: How Religion, Religious Groups, and Beliefs are Privileged from Austin Cline at About.com; and The Night I Stopped Believing by Susie Bright. This is, I believe, Susie's first entry into the Carnival, so go say hi and make her feel welcome.

Carnival_1Carnival of Feminists #47 is up at Ornamenting Away. I don't have any pieces in this carnival, but it still manages to be a good carnival nevertheless. My favorite piece: The Rule, by Natasha at Homo Academicus, on Alison Bechdel's Movie Rule ("1. There must be two or more women in it; 2. Who talk to each other; 3. About something other than a man") and how it applies to Pixar films.

Carnival_2And the International Carnival of Pozitivities is up at Slimconomy. This is the first time I've been in this carnival, a carnival devoted to HIV and AIDS, and I'm pleased and honored to be part of it with my piece Short Memories: AIDS Denialism and Vaccine Resistance. My favorite other piece in this carnival: HIV/AIDS: The Brazilian Response at The AIDS Pandemic. Happy reading, everybody!

Blog Carnivals: Liberals, Feminists, and Skeptics

Carnival_1Carnival time! Carnival of the Liberals #50 is up at That Is So Queer. Faith has done a lovely Edgar Allen Poe theme for this Carnival. And I'm extra excited this time: Carnival of the Liberals is a selective carnival, they only pick the ten best submissions for each roundup... and this time I have not one but two pieces in it! Short Memories: AIDS Denialism and Vaccine Resistance, and Atheists and Anger! They like me, they really like me! My favorite other piece in this carnival: I Write Letters by Melissa McEwan at Shakespeare's Sister, on how slamming Ann Coulter for her looks makes you no better than she is.

Carnival of Feminists #46 is up at Cubically Challenged. My piece this time: Male Dom Female Sub, from the Blowfish Blog. My favorite other piece in this carnival: In Search of My Rhetorical Penis by Grrlscientist at Living the Scientific Life (a blog I clearly need to check out more), on why female science bloggers get overlooked.

And Skeptic's Circle #72 is up at Quackometer. I'm not in the circle this time around, but it's a good blog carnival nonetheless. My favorite piece: Holford Watch, on why newspapers only print "miracle cure" stories and not "negative findings."

If you're a liberal, feminist, or skeptic blogger and want to be in an upcoming Carnival, here are submission guidelines and info for the Carnival of the Liberals, Carnival of Feminists, and Skeptic's Circle. Happy reading, and happy blogging!

She Blogs Carnival #1

SheblogslogoThere's a new blog carnival in town: She Blogs, Issue #1. Unlike most carnivals, it's not devoted to one particular topic; instead, it's devoted to blogging by women on all topics, making it more like a general-interest magazine a la the New Yorker, rather than a special interest magazine like The Nation or The Skeptical Inquirer. They were kind enough to include my piece The Catholic Church: Pedophilia as a First Amendment Right, so many thanks for that.

If you're a female blogger and want to participate in the She Blogs Carnival, here's their submission form. Happy blogging!

Carnivals: Feminists and Liberals

CarnivalCarnival of Feminists #45 is up at Feminist Philosophers.

And this slipped through the cracks while I was on vacation: Carnival of the Liberals #47 is up at Plural Politics. I didn't get in the Big Ten this time, but they were kind enough to include my piece Is Atheism What Makes Happy Atheists Happy? as an Honorable Mention.

If you're a feminist blogger and want to get in on the Carnival of Feminists, here's their submission form. If you're a liberal blogger who wants to submit a post to the Carnival of the Liberals, here's the submission form for them. Happy blogging!

Carnival of Feminists #44

Carnival of Feminists #44 is up at Reproductive Rights Blog,

Blog Carnivals: Feminists, Liberals, and Humanists

CarnivalIt's blog carnival time!

Carnival of the Liberals #45 is up at The Greenbelt. They included my piece on the Blowfish Blog, Right Wing Hypocrisy, or Why Sex Guilt Fucks Things Up For Everyone, which makes me really happy since I think that's one of the better pieces I've written of late. Carnival of the Liberals is a very selective carnival: they only include ten posts per issue, so I'm always extra-happy and honored to be included. And they illustrated the posts with cute pictures of dogs in birthday hats, so that's a good time right there.

Carnival of the Feminists #43 is up at Femtique. They included my feminist rant on The Devil Wears Prada and its fucked-up view of professionalism in women, so thanks for that.

And The Humanist Symposium #6 is up at A Load of Bright, with its usual excellent collection of positive atheist blogging. I didn't get a piece in this time -- I've been Miss Negative Cranky-Pants lately when it comes to the atheist blogging -- but if you want written proof that atheists have more to say about atheism than just complaining about religion, be sure to check it out. Ta!

Playing the Race Card: Candida Royalle's "Caribbean Heat"

This piece was originally published by Adult FriendFinder magazine in 2005.

Caribbean_heat_cover_3Playing the Race Card:
Caribbean Heat

Produced by Candida Royalle. Directed by Manuela Sabrosa. Starring Felinia, Nicole, Susan, Paola, Yinna, Sol, Max, Spider, Bruce, Danny Boy, Red Phoenix, and Adrian. 84 minutes. Femme Productions.


First, let me ask you this: Have you seen any of Candida Royalle's movies before?

Bridal_showerIf you haven't, let me explain real quick. Candida Royalle was the first smut producer to make movies specifically for women, and she pretty much single-handedly invented the "couples" video. Her company, Femme Productions, makes videos aimed at what women want to see in dirty movies: compared to most mainstream pornos, they feature more foreplay, a slower and more sensual pace, less focus on genitals and insertion shots, more full-body sensuality, better production values, greater variety in body types, more plot and character development, an emphasis on sex in the context of relationships and romance, greater attention to the woman's experience and pleasure, fewer money shots, and better-looking men. Much, much better-looking men. Candida's work has been hugely influential on the porno industry: her success made other producers realize, not only that straight couples liked to rent dirty movies, but that both women and men were hungry for passionate, labor-of-love porn with good production values and not-completely-stupid writing and acting.

RevelationsAlthough I usually prefer my pornos to have lots of raunchy sex and not much plot, I've always been fond of Candida's movies. She does a great job of conveying the unique pleasure of sex with someone you actually love and care about, something most dirty movies don't even get close to. And even if the sex in her videos isn't usually my favorite type to watch, her work does a beautiful job of expressing passion and enthusiasm, getting across what the characters are feeling and why they're enjoying it... which automatically makes it hot. (That's often true in porn, video or written or whatever -- if you get a good strong sense of the characters' excitement, it doesn't necessarily matter whether the kink they're enjoying is your personal fave.) I'm always happy to watch Candida's videos, and I'm always curious to see what she'll do next.

Candida_headSo anyway. Candida Royalle has a new-ish video out, "Caribbean Heat." Now, this one Candida didn't actually direct. She produced it, and supervised the direction; but unlike every other movie Femme has made, this one was directed by someone else: a new female director, Manuela Sabrosa.

Caribbean_heat_coverAnd Candida's absence does show. I liked "Caribbean Heat" a fair amount, but I didn't wildly adore it, and I don't think it's one of Femme's stronger efforts. It does have many of the company's usual good points: a patient pace, a relative dearth of cum shots, attention to female pleasure in general and foreplay in particular, women who don't look like Barbie dolls, and some seriously fine-looking men. But it has some weaknesses that are unusual for a Femme production. The editing is often awkward and choppy, with oddly abrupt jumps that skip over some nice bits and generally interrupt the erotic flow. There's an odd lack of focus and direction; there's no clear sense of mounting excitement and passion, and while the performers' pleasure is visible, it's not particularly infectious. And the format (five separate, unconnected vignettes) means that one of the things I like best about Femme videos -- namely, a reasonably well-written story sustained long enough to get me caring about the characters and their sex lives -- is completely absent from this one.

Riding_cropMore to the point, the sex didn't really wind me up that much -- although to be fair, that's largely a matter of taste rather than actual artistic failure. The sex in "Caribbean Heat" is sweet rather than fierce, gentle rather than intense, romantic rather than passionate. This is often the case with Candida's movies, but it's even more so in this one. Even the "casual sex with strangers" fantasies are more romantic than they are nasty. And even the supposedly kinky scene -- the master and maid one, with the leash and the cage and the riding crop -- is quite gentle overall, with the actual kinky elements getting very minimal play. The pacing adds to this quality as well: instead of insistently building a driving tension towards an intense release, the sex scenes feel more like rolling hills of sensuality, with arousal rising and falling in gentle waves. I suppose that's not necessarily a bad thing; for porn viewers who are sick of being pounded like a jackhammer by conventional smut videos, it may be a positive blessing. It's just not my style. (As anyone who's been regularly reading this column knows, it's really, really not my style.)

Bridge_handBut "Caribbean Heat" does have something good going for it: something very special, almost unique, a trump card that all by itself makes the video worth checking out.

That trump card is race.

West_sideHere's the thing. Virtually all contemporary porn videos fall into one of two categories. The vast majority of them are white as the driven snow: their performers are 100% lily white, with not even a single person of color onscreen to upset the delicate sensibilities of the porn-watching public. And the ones that aren't all-white tend to be racial fetish videos: nasty black women with big booties, fiery Latina tamales, mysterious and submissive Asian ladies, hugely hung black studs fucking dainty white women, that sort of thing. Adult videos starring people of color that treat their performers like regular people instead of stereotypes and that don't descend into creepy fetishization of their race... those are rarer than hen's teeth. There are some exceptions (the interracial Romeo-and-Juliet movie "West Side" leaps to mind), but there are damn few.

"Caribbean Heat" is one of them. With a vengeance.

Caribbean_heat_1"Caribbean Heat" was filmed on location in Central America, and features an all-Latino cast. But unlike most adult videos with a non-white cast, this movie treats its Latino characters like... well, like characters. Like people, with their own sexual feelings and desires and experiences. They're depicted as the subjects of their own sex lives, not the exotic hot-tamale objects of white lust; the sex is seen from their perspective, not the perspective of white people who are hot for them. To add even more to the authentic "this is how we see ourselves, not how others see us" quality, the dialogue is almost entirely in Spanish. (Subtitles are added when they're really necessary; but of course this is porn, and not particularly chatty or plot-driven porn at that, so subtitles mostly aren't needed. If you don't speak Spanish, you can still get the gist.)

Central_americaThe video was directed by a Latina woman, which almost certainly makes a huge difference. The box cover says that director Manuela Sabrosa "shows you what lovers in her corner of the world do," and for once, the box cover does not lie. Sabrosa is revealing her own erotic world in this video, and she's clearly seeing the skin and flesh of her performers, not from the outside, but from within.

Caribbean_heat_cover_2And this quality alone makes me give "Caribbean Heat" a solid thumbs-up. Racism in porn is one of the largest and most active bees in my porn-critic bonnet. And it's not just about politics, either -- it's about pure, selfish pleasure. All-white casts don't just seem racist to me; they seem freakishly artificial, and they add hugely to the ticky-tacky "they all look just the same" look of so many dirty movies. And the racial fetish videos just make me queasy. But "Caribbean Heat" is a delight. It's such a sweet and rare pleasure to see a beautifully wide range of naked skin colors in a porno, without those skin colors being framed as exotic, alien, slightly bizarre fetish-objects. It's so much fun to see non-white porn performers revel in the pleasure of their bodies, without those bodies getting slotted into someone else's kinky pigeonholes. To some extent, all pornos display their performers as objects of other people's lust, and I don't usually have a huge problem with that. But when it comes to race in porn, the objectification thing gets grotesquely out of hand, to the point where it's impossible for me to enjoy it at all. It's a genuine treat to see a porn video that shows people of color as regular hot people who are fun to watch while they fuck.

Right Wing Hypocrisy: The Blowfish Blog

David_vitter_official_portraitI have a somewhat unusual take on the recent slew of right-wing politico sex scandals -- David Vitter, Bob Allen, Mark Foley, Ted Haggard, etc. etc. etc. -- over at the Blowfish Blog. The piece is called Right Wing Hypocrisy, or Why Sex Guilt Fucks Things Up For Everyone, and instead of just ranting about these folks' hypocrisy (although I do a certain amount of that as well), I ask the question:

Why are the the specific taboo sex acts they engage in so often the exact same ones they publicly campaign against?

Here's a teaser:

Admittedly, a big part of this pattern comes from the media focus. Hypocrisy in powerful public figures is big news, and I’m sure there's some cherry-picking in the coverage. After all, "Married Congressman caught with hookers -- and he campaigned on the sanctity of marriage!" makes great headlines. "Married Congressman caught with hookers -- and he voted to renew the Farm Bill!" isn't going to make headlines anywhere but the Surrealist Times.

But even given that, there's a precision to the match-ups between the public condemnation and the private behavior that seems like more than coincidence and media focus.

Ted_haggardTo find out what I think is behind this "preach in public against the exact things you're doing in private" pattern -- and why I find myself having a smidgen of compassion for these assholes -- check out the rest of the piece. Enjoy!

Carnivals: Of Feminists #42 and Of the Liberals #44

CarnivalIt's blog carnival time again! Carnival of the Liberals #44 is up at The Richmond Democrat, with its usual excellent collection of fine lefty pinko blogging. This is actually a selective carnival -- unlike many blog carnivals, they only select the ten best blog postings from the previous fortnight -- so I'm pleased and honored to have been selected again, with my piece on why civil unions aren't equal to marriage either theoretically or practically: One In Seven: Why Civil Unions Aren't Enough.

And Carnival of Feminists #42 is also up at Uncool (wicked cool blog name, btw), with tons of nifty feminist blogging. They also included my One In Seven: Why Civil Unions Aren't Enough piece, so I'm excited. Enjoy the blogging!

Professionalism = Selling Your Soul: A Feminist Rant on "The Devil Wears Prada"

Devil_wears_prada"The Devil Wears Prada" has been on HBO recently: I watched it again a few days ago (I do think it's a funny, entertaining, well-crafted movie), and I was reminded of a feminist rant I had when the movie first came out.

Devil_wears_prada_andrea_2Here's the deal. (Spoiler alert.) The purported arc of the movie is that our heroine, Andrea (Anne Hathaway), is a young would-be journalist in New York who can't find the kind of serious work she wants, and thus takes a job as assistant to the editor-in-chief at the biggest fashion magazine in the country. She justifies this as (a) a source of a much-needed paycheck, and (b) an entry-level position that could earn her some experience and gain her some connections in the profession.

Devil_wears_prada_andrea_1But she sells out. She sells her soul. She is seduced by the glamour of the fashion industry into abandoning her high ideals; she prioritizes her work over her personal relationships; she stabs her colleague in the back; and she even winds up defending her abusive control-freak boss, Miranda (Meryl Streep) against her many critics. Eventually she realizes the error of her ways, walks out on her job, finds a better one, and grovels for forgiveness to everyone she injured along the way.

So here's my problem with the movie:

I couldn't see anything she did wrong.

I was watching very carefully the second time around, and almost every "soul-selling" step that the heroine took seemed perfectly reasonable and defensible.

And more to the point, just about everything she did would have been accepted without blinking in a male protagonist.

Let's take it a piece at a time. Here are the sins against her soul that Andrea supposedly committed.

Devil_wears_prada_andrea_51) She stayed in a job she didn't much care about, in an industry that's a snakepit of ego and ambition, working for a boss who treated her abysmally... just to get ahead in her career.

Well, yes. If you're serious about a career, "take this job and shove it" isn't always an option. Especially if you're just starting out. Sometimes you have to put up with very bad situations temporarily, to get what you need on your resume (not to mention to keep the paychecks coming). And sometimes you start out at a company you don't much like or care about, to gain experience you'll need to eventually work for someone you do care about. That's not selling your soul. That's having long-term goals, and the stick-to-it-iveness to go through the necessary, if sometimes unpleasant, preliminary steps to get there. That's being willing to prioritize your long-term goals over your immediate happiness and comfort. And theoretically, that's a quality our society values.

Thedevilwearsprada_nate_1jpgIn men, anyway. This especially bugs me because her boyfriend, who's super-critical of her choices throughout the movie, is an equally ambitious, young, struggling would-be chef... and it's not like the world of high-end restaurants isn't a snakepit of ego and ambition, in which people stick with crappy jobs and asshole bosses to get the experience and contacts they need. But somehow, that's different.

And as it turns out, Andrea was right to do what she did. She did get useful experience and contacts, and at the end of the movie when she applies for the serious journalism job at the lefty newspaper, her recommendation from her old fashion-magazine boss is the tipping point that gets her the job. The job she cares about, and is good at, and that matters in the world.

But somehow, she was still selling her soul.

The_devil_wears_prada_nate_and_andr2) She prioritized her job over her friends and her lover -- including, sin of sins, skipping her boyfriend's birthday party because of a work emergency.

Let me ask you this. Ingrid currently has a job that she loves -- and it currently requires her to travel out of town two and a half days a week. This is a little hard on me, and puts some stress on our relationship. I also currently have a job I love (freelance writing) that currently requires me to spend weekends and evenings writing... time that would otherwise be part of the diminishing time we can spend together. This is a little hard on Ingrid, and puts some stress on our relationship.

Is either of us doing something terribly wrong?

AisleI don't think so. I think we're both doing exactly the right thing -- supporting each other in our respective careers, making space for each other to do what we need to do, and making a point of savoring the time we do have together. That, in my mind, is what you do when you love someone. Obviously there's a limit -- if Ingrid's job required her to move to Antarctica, I'd put my foot down -- but especially when a situation is a temporary, experience-gaining or stopgap situation, cutting your partner some slack so they can get where they're going in a career they care about is just part of being in a relationship.

Birthday_cake_2And, as Ingrid pointed out when I first shared this rant with her, "If you had a work emergency and had to skip my birthday party, I'd be disappointed, but I wouldn't think you'd done anything horribly wrong." Thinking that a birthday party is the most important thing in the world... that's not what sane adults do. (In fact, Andrea stayed at the emergency work event only as long as she needed to fulfill the requirements of her job, and when given the chance to stay longer to fulfill her own personal ambitions, she cut out and went home to be with her boyfriend.)

Devil_wears_prada_miranda_andrea_anBut women aren't supposed to think like this. Nobody blinks an eye when men have to work late or miss special personal events for job emergencies... but women are supposed to be loving and emotional and think family and love are always, always, always more important than work. Andrea was making a difficult but reasonable decision... but somehow, she was still selling her soul.

Devil_wears_prada_andrea_63) She got sucked into the world of fashion -- a world she didn't care beans about before she took the job.

Yes. Interestingly enough, when you take a new job in a field you're not familiar with, you often get excited about it and drawn into it. For fuck's sake, that's one of the best things about taking a job in a field you're not familiar with. You learn new things. You expand your horizons. I didn't know that much about women's health care before my job at the Feminist Women's Health Center; or about gay politics before my job at the gay newspaper; or hell, about the music industry before my crappy job at Ticketmaster. I grew to know and care about these things more because of these jobs. That doesn't make me a sell-out. That makes me an open-minded person who's eager to learn.

KingofthehillYou can argue that fashion is a vapid, trivial thing to care about. But you can also argue, as many characters in the movie do, that fashion is an art form, one that touches everyone's life. Nobody thinks Hank Hill of "King of the Hill" is a sellout because he's grown to care passionately about propane and propane accessories... but when Andrea grows to see that fashion isn't as vapid and trivial as she'd originally thought, somehow it means she was selling her soul.

Devil_wears_prada_emily_14) She stabbed her friend and colleague in the back.

Now, this is an interesting one. Andrea's most serious sin, in her mind and everyone else's, is that, when Miranda told her that she would be going on a coveted trip to Paris instead of her fellow assistant Emily (Emily Blunt), her initial reaction was to say, "I can't do that, the Paris trip means too much to Emily." But when Miranda made it clear that refusing the Paris trip would mean risking not only her job, but her chance at a recommendation and her career prospects (I believe her words were, "I'll assume you're not serious about your career, here or anywhere else"), Andrea caves and accepts.

In other words: