My Photo

The Out Campaign

Atheist Blogroll

Blog powered by Typepad
Member since 05/2005

« The Switch to Freethought Blogs - Some Questions Answered | Main | I'm on Twitter! »



"Sex, according to this trope, is by its nature a commodity that women possess and men are trying to obtain... and the phenomenon of women who are "giving it away," who are defying these assumptions and treating sex as a pleasurable interaction between equals, is making the punditocracy piss all over itself."

Hm, this trope pretty much amounts to "all women are whores the only difference is that the ones we normally call whores prefer to be paid in money. The others know this is a faux pas and demand payment in attention, services and goods".

Needless to say this is tremendously disrespectful to women. Furthermore assuming that men would accept this is (because they are always desperate for sex and have no sense of dignity or self-control and no other option than to buy sex from women paying in whatever currency the women prefer) is pretty disrespectful to men.

Being a puritan as a personal life-choice is perfectly acceptable, and so is recommending it to others. However, some puritans -those who consciously or not subscribe to this trope- have no respect for women, no respect for men and no respect for sex.


Benjamin Machanik

Ag, well most of the stereotypes about women having are ridiculously heteronormative in there view anyway. it's like they haven't progressed from the eras when men were expected to marry virgins but that brothels were still needed because the men needed to fulfill 'their animal desires.' The naysayers you mentioned aren't even thinking about the bisexual and homosexual communities when they make there statements.

Improbable Joe

Here's the thing... I think most of us assume that other people do things for more or less the same reason we do things. I mean, there ARE damaged people who act out and do things for bad reasons, but on the other hand that's also probably most of us at some point in our lives.

Anyhoo... yeah, so I don't think it takes any particular insight to take the basic idea that men and women are more the same than they are different, and assume that women do things for the same reasons men do things. Maybe not in equal proportion, but it isn't like there's a whole separate set of motivations. That's just weird to assume otherwise, but I grew up in a cave and was raised by wolves so what do I know?

Except that maybe there's one motivation that women have for sex that doesn't apply to (straight)men: rebellion. And I mean that it in the positive sense, in that it is liberating to do what you want in a world where idiot puritan pundits, and everyone else, are telling you that you are wrong to want what you want, and to do what makes you happy.

"Many women who get pregnant are blasted out of their minds when they have sex."

Of the various objections raised, this one at least sounds like a valid concern to me. The decision to conceive a child, and with whom, really ought to be made in a non-impaired state. This applies to married as well as single people, BTW.


And if you choose not to have sex, or to only have sex within a committed relationship (I'm not taking after 3 dates, or 6, or even 9), it's no picnic either. Despite all the rhetoric you cite, Greta, people are quite baffled by the other end of the spectrum as well - especially if one isn't a conservative Christian or other religious type.

I think the bottom line here is criticizing women, especially young women, and perpetuating the virgin/whore dichotomy, except these days it's almost more difficult to find a middle ground. Don't be a frigid prude, but don't be a slut either. Be willing and sexy, but don't like sex too much and don't give it up too easily. Etc etc. It's the same old no win situation.

Graham Martin-Royle

Checking out the comments on AlterNet it would appear that some people don't find sex to be fun. I think they're doing it wrong.


I should know better than to go near the comments, but I kind of enjoyed the GIANT LIST OF HORRIBLE DISEASES that you will get from casual sex. Because safer sex doesn't exist, obviously.

(Sure, statistically people with more partners may be exposed to more bugs, but this is why we have condoms.)

Bill O'Reilly: "Many women who get pregnant are blasted out of their minds when they have sex."

Surely I am not the first to suggest that Bill O'Reilly is just jealous because he's never had sex that blasted him out of his mind?


Yay, I'm really not a freak! I was single for about seven years, and your reasons for having casual sex are hearteningly similar to my reasons for having casual sex.

For years after breaking up with my ex, I simply had no interest whatsoever in getting into another relationship. I couldn't possibly be celibate for long, and faking interest in a relationship to get sex would just be cruel to everyone involved, no matter what the stupid stereotypes say about men being happy to be used for sex by women.

Casual sex was the only ethical way for me to get my needs for pleasure, physical contact and just a little intimacy but not too much met. And it was fun.

On a somewhat related note, thank you, *thank you*, THANK YOU for saying that it's okay, and even healthy to be single for longer than the socially approved 'break' between relationships. Even though I know being single was the best thing for me (and the poor bastards I would've made miserable if I had tried to have any relationships instead of staying single), I've had a lot of trouble tuning out the cultural assumption that people who stay single for any length of time must be unloveable.


I think that they are simply trying to put too much importance on sex. Sex is fun, it's great with other people. It's fantastic and funny and silly and passionate and it makes your pulse race. There is nothing wrong with it. Why some people, largely conservative Christians, treat it like it is something wrong says more about them than about sex itself.


Reading this post made me remember all my favorite things about being single. (Well, I still miss eating ice cream on the couch in my underwear, but whatever.) I always found casual sex to be incredibly life-affirming and fun (much like less casual sex!), and was shocked when I encountered people who thought otherwise. It's nice to see that I'm not the only one. :)

greg macdougall

Hi, interesting thoughts
Also interesting I don't think I saw the word 'patriarchy' anywhere mentioned
Of course, if you're talking about female-female casual sex, the patriarchal influence will be a bit different

I thought you might be interested in this take on things, from Jonathan Zap. It's good to be conscious of what we're not conscious of :) It starts off:

"A young woman I know sent me a dream with themes that resonate with the dreams of other young women I have interpreted, and now I wish I had written down more of them, because so many of their dreams were powerful and illuminating of the state of the feminine after six thousand years of patriarchal history. In this essay I will discuss what I have learned from these dreams and from other cultural observations. I will conclude with analysis of two dreams, including the one from this young woman.

The most consistent theme these dreams expose is the toxicity of promiscuous patriarchal sexuality. ..."


Occidental Yogi

I mosied on over to Susan Walsh's Hooking Up Smart website and from the comments her blog about your garnered, it appears there is a huge disconnect between what you consider casual or promiscuous sex and what many of the comments consider the same.

A few of the commenters do not even consider that you are having real sex at all because the sex you are having is with other women, not men, therefore you being promiscuous or having casual sex is out of the question. Whatever you are doing, to them it does not qualify as authentic, genuine sex.

Yes, its a heteronormative view, but what stands out to me most is the disconnect on both sides.

You assumed Susan's hetero readers would count your sexual encounters with other women in the "casual" category, where it seems they don't count it in any category at all.

When a heterosexual man is looking for a life partner among women, lesbians are the last women on his mind. In fact, they are not even on the radar.

The concern over casual sex or promiscuity amongst heterosexuals has nothing to do with perceived casual sex or promiscuity amongst lesbians.

Lesbian women afterall, according to statistics, have the LOWEST rates of STIs of all sexual active people.

Your world and their world are at opposite ends of a spectrum. What concerns them does not have to concern you, and vice versa.

web design Landon

The others know this is a faux pas and demand payment in attention, services and goods". its a heteronormative view, but what stands out to me most is the disconnect on both sides.


These are some of the complaints that city sexologists have received in the last few months, complaints from 30-something stockbrokers who had done “phenomenally well last year when the markets were on a high”.

ביטוח בריאות פרטי

But the economic slump has had a direct impact on the interpersonal relationships, sex lives and marriages of people. “Since January when the Sensex started falling — particularly in the last two months — the number of such complaints has increased four fold


As the economy continues to do badly, affecting savings and businesses, this number is expected to rise, say doctors. Typically, patients approach a professional only when the situation worsens, so doctors feel that over the next few months, more people are going to seek help.


n my experience, I have seen people who come for counselling after the marriage has reached the stage of divorce,” says andrologist Rupin Shah, who deals with male reproductive health.

 הדברת מזיקים

When the wife makes an attempt to approach her husband, he rejects her irritably. Sometimes, this rejection from her husband can leave a deep scar on her self-esteem and marriage, say doctors.

Account Deleted

It's a informative post. Thanks for sharing.......

Abercrombie Fitch

Man can't live without sex!~~

herve leger dresses

I am grateful that I have identified this blog. As a final point one thing not a crap, which we examine incredibly usually. The weblog is lovingly operated and updated. So it need to be, thank you for this welcome transform.

Adult Toys are FUN

I think casual sex usually comes from a time in your life when you don't want commitment but enjoy sex, and who doesn't? I think if people are responsible (take the necessary steps to prevent pregnancy and disease) and are willing, screw what everyone else thinks about it.

geciktirici stag

geciktirici stag

kirpik uzatıcı

kirpik uzatıcı



geciktirici spreyler

geciktirici spreyler

Sexual Male

lol great thoughts sex is such a huge deal and really important, it should be more widely discussed.

Loucinda Kresge

I absolutely loved this article! Greta's insights into why women have casual sex and the reasons why it can be a beautiful, wonderful, empowering thing made me cry. I for so long bought society's notion that casual sex is "bad" and even when I was in my rebellious 20's and 30's and thought that I was free from this, I really wasn't. Now that I am in my forties and am finally freeing myself once and for all from these negative stereotypes, it is women like Greta who help me clarify my thinking. Thanks again!

ed hardy outle

If you go the right way, and continue on the path, and eventually you will be successful.

ray ban outlet

Those who like sunflower, they can always see life on the positive side, believe in "abundance".

Spanking Videos

Hello Chriss. We invite you to watch the our new spanking video site:

In this site you can watch, add and share spanking and BDSM related videos with world wide web.

If you like you can take a look and share our link with your readers!.

Thanks for your time-

Best regards

Angeles D'Marco

superman stamina

Keni Style Leader Toughness present teach you the secrets that you pauperization to fuck to attain Leader Toughness. But in the back DVD, Keni will appear you how the secrets impact in action. Patch you catch Keni and a blackamoor bonk sex, he tells you just what he does with his body and brain to protect his compactness and maintain examine of his body to terminal as bimestrial as feasible.

cheap football jerseys

Reading this article let me remember all the things I like most single. (well, I still miss eating ice cream on the sofa in my underwear, but no matter. I always found casual sex is an incredible belief and interesting (like one night stand little!) And when I met was shocked people don't think so. The nice thing is that I'm not the only one. :)

Relationship Advice by Carp Fishing France

Your contents are progressing with days keep it up guys.

The comments to this entry are closed.

Subscribe/ Donate to This Blog!

Books of mine

Greta on SSA Speakers Bureau

  • Greta Christina is on the Speakers Bureau of the Secular Students Alliance. Invite her to speak to your group!

Your email address:

Powered by FeedBlitz

Powered by Rollyo

Some Favorite Posts and Conversations: Atheism

Some Favorite Posts and Conversations: Sex

Some Favorite Posts: Art, Politics, Other Stuff