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Henning

"Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence" - Carl Sagan

Ron Krumpos

A priest in New Orleans told an atheist this story.

After Hurricane Katrina, an elderly man - living in a large house - heard that the levies had burst nearby. His neighbor drove up in a truck and said "Get in! We have to get out of here!" The old man said, "Don't worry. God will save me."

The flood waters continued to rise and the man had to go upstairs. Opening his bedroom window, he saw a Coast Guard boat. The sailor said, "Climb aboard. We'll rescue you" The elderly gentleman replied, "Don't worry. God will save me."

The waters kept rising, forcing the man to go onto the roof. A National Guard helicopter hovered overhead and lowered its ladder. The airman said, "Grab hold; we'll hoist you up." The aged man responded, "Don't worry. God will save me."

Well, unfortunately, the man eventually drowned. When he got to Heaven he asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God answered, "I sent you a truck, a boat and a helicopter. What more did you want?"

The moral of this story is: God helps those who help themselves, but He does provide the opportunities.

The atheist said to the priest, "I still don't believe in God." A booming voice came from the heavens: "It's your ass, buddy!"

Ron (I'm an agnostic: is that the same as a gnostic?)

DSimon

Well, while we're telling funny religious jokes, I've got a good one:

One day in the 50's, a little boy was pulling his Radio Flyer cart past a church. As the priest watched from the front door, one of the wheels of the cart fell off, and the boy exclaimed "Shit!"

The priest walked out to the boy and gently scolded him: "Young man, it is against the ways of God to swear, even at misfortune. The proper response is to pray to God for help; if you have faith, he will provide assistance to you."

The boy considered this for a moment, then closed his eyes and began praying as hard as he could. "God," he said, "please fix my Radio Flyer cart."

After he said this, the broken wheel rose into the air and reattached itself to the cart, good as new. The priest said "Shit!"

Alter Ego

The Priest said "Holy Shit!" God defecates in mysterious ways. And people thought rain was God crying...

Eclectic

A couple of timeless Emo Philips joles. First, a short one:
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle.
Then I realized God doesn't work that way, so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness."

The longer one I can unfortunately never remember well enough to tell extemporaneously. It has a couple of variants, but this was voted funniest God joke ever in 2005:

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"

Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.

(In the alternative form, he prefers Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879.)

Jose Jones

"You Can't Disprove God" Is Not an Argument for God ...

Completely agreed. As the existence of God is an unprovable hypothesis, it is also a good argument for excluding anything to do with 'intelligent design' from discussions about evolutionary biology. It can't be science if it can't be proven to be false!

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