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I find that breaking out of a rut is hard to do for myself. Ogle Therapy certainly works sometimes. When I've been in LA for too long, coming home to the Bay Area and discovering the hottitude of the women around here -- way less beauty-myth, way more diverse in all ways, and way more sexy -- reminds me that blondes with nose jobs are not the universal standard of beauty.

But NOTHING works so well for me as the "the more you get, the more you get," phenomenon. I don't even need to get laid. If my sass is flagging, an evening around someone who I know WANTS to get me into bed jumpstarts the upward spiral.


A Jabberwock tattoo? Hell, I'd do you for that alone!

Greta Christina

"A Jabberwock tattoo? Hell, I'd do you for that alone!"

Yup. Wicked scary-looking, too. I actually had a teenage girl stop me on the street last week to tell me the tattoo was "tight," and that she had "seen some tight tattoos, but that is sick for real." I spent the rest of the day running around telling everyone, "I have street cred! I have street cred!" (Which I suppose rather diminishes it when you run around excitedly telling everyone about it...)

And thanks for the props. That's sweet.

Janet Hardy

A crisp white french-cuffed shirt, with one too many buttons unbuttoned and the collar up a bit. More eyeliner than a nice middle-aged woman is supposed to wear. Shoes with a bit of a heel -- not enough to make me unsteady, just cowboy boots or somethiing to give me a bit of a swagger. A bit of scent, just enough that you have to be standing close enough to touch me in order to smell it.

Never fails.


Huh, good post. Usually, nothing does work - body issues are just paralyzing for me, and it sucks. Intellectually, I know I'm doing just fine, but then I get caught up in the comparison game - and that's a total downward spiral.

I don't appreciate enough women who look like me. Hell, I notice the women who /don't/, since I'm so busy deciding I'm grotesque in comparison that people my size (my age, with my style) are invisible.

Thanks for the ideas. Your post really touched a chord.



I actually have what I think is an unusual insecurity: I'm a straight male who compares himself to women appearance-wise, and finds himself lacking. I've been working on trying to see what anyone sees in men, or what exactly is attractive about "male-ness".

Her Mercurialness

A) a friend just directed me to your site tonight. I love it. Thank you.
B) I think I've decided that this will be my first blog to comment on since I have two similar therapies.
firstly, I'm not very old, and, according to my admirers, not as grotesque as I often feel I am. Nevertheless, I think everyone's insecurities are valid.
Therapy A: My girl friends and I decided to do this after we went on a run one day. As I listened to my beautiful friends complain about their bodies, and all of us protest their self-depreciation, I suggested that we could only complain about as many features as we could decide on good ones. As it turns out we didn't hate ourselves as much as we thought.
Therapy B requires much less self awareness. In fact, its beauty is lies in its lack thereof. I've found that while I can hate myself in many ways, in many places, at many times. I cannot hate myself while dancing. All it takes is a hot hip-hop song and an empty room to turn my feelings around. The living room, my bedroom, all down the hall. Wherever I get a chance to be alone and see my form dancing. I love reveling in the innate sexuality that comes with dancing and it always makes me feel better. While I may imagine a wall to be someone I dance up close to, I would never apply this therapy in a club.Other people have the capacity to reject me while I'm dancing--I lack the ability.

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