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Yea! I love food/sex analogies and your tofu-or-brocolli is a good one.

I also think Savage is dead on, though I will say in the baby-guy's defense that since *real* real fetishes (which it sounds like he's got) are extraordinarily hard to satisfy. Not least because real fetishes -- the needy kind, not the "this is a fun kink" kind -- are displacements. It's sort of like (to use another analogy) a bull that keeps thinking "if only that cape was a little more red I could finally get my horns into it." Except it's really the matador he needs to deal with.

Anyway, to get back to your post, you said "And if you can't get off on the sight and sound and feel of your partner's pleasure -- even if what you're doing isn't your particular favorite thing -- then what the hell are you doing in a sexual/romantic relationship?" That's really well said, Greta.

Take care,


"And if you can't get off on the sight and sound and feel of your partner's pleasure -- even if what you're doing isn't your particular favorite thing -- then what the hell are you doing in a sexual/romantic relationship?"

You knew this one was going to be quotable, didn't you, Greta?

I found a lot of parallels in these stories to my own situation. I have been together with my bf for over a decade, as he has moved into a fairly plain sort of kink, the one in which the world is populated by "doms" and "subs" and people call one another "sir" and "boy" and they lick boots etc. Once every few months he goes off to some event (e.g., Folsom) where he can find people who are into this sort of thing.

Now, I certainly don't have a broccoli reaction to this - I can stand to be in the same room while it is being cooked - but if you want to overcook my stalk till it gets too mushy to eat, just call me "sir" (or have me do it to you, either way) while we're getting in to it.

Just like Beyond, I have found that my man really doesn't get into vanilla sex. Not that he refuses it categorically, but on the rare occasions when we do it, he just isn't into it at all. And since I am like you, I get off on my partner's pleasure, well, there isn't much there for me, either.

Since we have an open relationship, I get out once in a while. And I do seem to find those guys who are turned on by watching me squirm when they touch me just so. The contrast is getting to be almost embarrassing.

I find myself wondering the flip side of your question - "And if my partner can't get off on the sight and sound and feel of my pleasure -- even if what we're doing isn't his particular favorite thing -- then what the hell am I doing in a sexual/romantic relationship?"

By the way, Greta - welcome to the world of anonymous people dumping their relationship issues at your door :)

nina hartley


Great analogy! This is particuarly difficult when a couple is also monogamous, as the original couple seems to be.

In my experience such differences are extremely difficult to overcome. If he's not into vanilla sex, he's not, and nothing vanilla will make his cock hard. I think Savage was wrong in saying that the guy should stay, as whom else will he find to play along with his kink? It does a disservice to both parties to remain in a situation where the intimacy is no longer working in a mutual, enthusiastic fashion.

She deserves a partner who thinks she's the bee's knees and can't keep his hands off of her. He deserves a partner/Ma'am/Dommy who just loves her little baby-waby and can't wait to diaper his butt.

I love the broccoli/tofu analogy, and I also agree with your statement regarding why one is in a relationship in the first place.

It's going to be a while until he finds a woman who likes his kink, but he owes it to himself and his current partner to go and find her. She deserves to have hot vanilla sex just as much as he deserves to get his ass powdered.


Buck Fuddy

How about a more common problem?

I know of several couples where one partner simply has a greater sexual appetite than the other. One wants sex twice a day, the other maybe once a month.

What might seem like the perfect compromise, however mathematically arrived at, is actually a formula for making both partners miserable. For one it's much too frequent, while it's far too little to satisfy the other.

Being the polyamorous sort that I am, it seems much more reasonable for the more sexually motivated partner to have sex with other partners, but in every case, the other partner has been totally opposed to the idea.

I can't understand why anyone would do that. How can someone demand sexually fidelity and refuse to deliver on the sex? If we were dealing with food instead of sex, it would be like forcing your partner to starve to death because you're not hungry. It just doesn't seem fair.

Maybe this is why I don't like the idea of commitment. I see relationships as ways of adding to each others' enjoyment of life, not setting limits on it.


Mmmm... tofu!

Mr McUgly

Am I the only one who stopped thinking about sex as soon as I read "souffle"?

Dammit, now I have a craving for a souffle...

Look for Hostway Motor Inn Here

You as I seek to honor You with my body. Father, I desire to treat my relationships with the opposite sex with caution, care and in an honorable way. Heavenly Father You are my master and I desire to be controlled by You and Your desires alone. I come to You in the strong name of Jesus, Amen

Relationship Advice by China Project

Disabilities of Delaware County, PA. Through the use of resource ownership, and partnering with several funding sources, we were able to create a job for Michael and give Havertown Health and Fitness members a better product that will enhance there workout experience.

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